The Good Boy and The Bitch

"You know the good boy and the bitch never work."

I walked into the door and Patty stayed in her chair used to the routine by now, “Nice to see you again Shelby.”

“Likewise,” I said falling into the couch.

I have been coming to therapy for two weeks now and I had made tons of progress. One the first day I figured it was going to be a total flop and it was a waste of time. The second time I can though I had a break through and had continued to progress each visit. I have been coming every other day since Mom could schedule me in whenever available.

“What would you like to talk about today Shelby?” she asked pulling a pen from behind her ear.

“I got a wedding invitation today,” I said conversationally.

“Oh really from whom?” she asked jotting down some notes.

“Dean’s stepsister,” her pen stopped and she looked up at me.

“Lacey?” she questioned.

I nodded my head, “His best friend Chad and her are getting married tomorrow.”

She nodded her head recalling me talking about them. “I don’t know if I should go,” I said twisting my hands together, “I know he will be there.”

She placed her hand on he chair adjusting her, “I think it’s a good idea to go. You can support your friends and show you are happy for them. If you decide not to go, you might regret it,” she said.

I ran my tongue over my teeth knowing she was right, “I have another question.”

“Okay?” she prompted.

“What should I wear?” I asked a smile falling onto my lips

She titled her head back laughing, “Something to show him what he is missing.”

I chuckled folding my arms over my chest. She started writing again and I knew it was about to get serious again. “How is you relationship with your mother?” she asked not looking from her paper.

“Better,” I nodded looking at the waterfall in the corner of the room, “I can tell she is still hurt by me not wanting to talk to her about this. She is coming to terms with it though and I can have a regular conversation with her now.”

“Your father?”

I let out a deep breath, “I still find myself blaming him for losing Ava and I will always blame him for losing Dean.”

“Now Shelby we have talked about this, never say always,” she recited still looking at her paper.

I think it help me that she didn’t stare at me, I could stand it if I knew she was actually listening to me. I knew she was but if she ever looked up I stopped talking instantly and just stared at her. We never talked about it, but I’m sure she knew that I wanted her to ignore me.

“Right,” I said shrugging, “I just can’t handle talking to him yet.”

“Why do you blame him?” she wondered still looking down.

“Because,” I started knowing if I didn’t answer she would ask more questions, “He made Dean stay away from me and if he hadn’t of done that I never would have called Ava and we wouldn’t have fought.”

“Why do you not blame your mother?” she asked.

I rolled my bottom lip into my mouth biting it softly, “She didn’t yell at Dean to leave and we already argued over Dean and she was starting to accept it.”

“You’re father liked Dean though, why did he stop all of a sudden?” she wondered.

“We go through this everyday,” I stated feeling fed up with the questions.