ELITES SERIES: HEARTLESS

chapter eight

*Saturn

It feels like my heart felt onto the ground. I can't breathe. My heart is like being stab by million knives. I want to punch myself. Seeing the little ball of life in front of me. Catching its breath while sleeping.

I look at.. What is his name? God! Even my own child is nameless to me! How can I be so jerk! I want to fucking kill myself!

Knowing that my own child is fighting for his life. At ako.. Ang putangingang ama nya, nag papaka sarap sa kung saan.. At sya..

Naninikip ang dibdib ko sa nakikita sa harapan ko. I remember what Leo- fuck! What he told me earlier.

'If only I knew my best friend will experience this animosity in your hands, I would have taken her with me!'

He told me that after he gave me a hard punch. He's just my wife's fucking close friend! Mag kaibigan lang sila and nothing more!

For fuck's sake, I've been so jerk. Naging gago ako. Kahit walang kamuwang na bata ay nagawa ko pag malupitan. The names I've been calling to my own son. Ang sakit!

Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang lahat? How am I going to explain my roughness to them. To his mother? My wife..

It pain me when I saw her reaction as i tried to walk near her. Before, i love the expression she's giving every time na natatakot sya sakin. But now.. Ayoko na makita ang reaksyon nya..  Tinitigan ko sya.

I felt the fondness in my heart. The face i love to hit.. Those fresh bruises and cuts in her face.. Those innocent eyes of her. The red rose lips of her. Everything about her screams of undescribable beauty.

Sinubukan ko lumayo. Parang wala syang naririnig. She keeps on hugging my legs. She kissed my hand. She even bowed her head and kissed my shoes for i don't know how many times. Nasasaktan ako.. She's a loving mother, i know.

"Aira will you stop it?" Mariing utos ko. But she keeps on crying.

"Hindi ako titigil hanggat kaya ko, mag mamakaawa--"

"Stop this and look at me."

Her innocent eyes met mine. I can feel the familiar beat in my heart. Just like the first time i saw her. I like her ever since. But i was scared that someone like her could change me. I chose to be cold and distant but i want her mine.

I don't know, i got hurt when i saw her with other guy. She's so fucking irresistible girl that even she's married, marami parin ang umaaligid sa kanya! Maybe my ego as a man was bruised.. Or as her husband. She's mine alone..

And all along.

"Saturn.." Her tears pour and it breaks me.

I helped held her chin. Its cold. She fidget a little. I know it took everything to her para lang mapanatili ang distansya namin.

"There's nothing to worry about. I'm here.. I won't leave the two of you."

I said in a whisper. It feels home as her arms wrapped around my neck. Her scent filled my nose as her soft hair brushed against my cheeck. Her body is trembling. she keeps on whispering her thanks to me as i feel her tears and small smile.

Her smile that I saw.. Same sweet smile that she had back in our wedding day.

"Maraming salamat!"

"Anything.." I whisper.

Fucking heart! It's beating fast just like the rhythm of it years ago.