Broken wings || Destiel

Chapter 15

thank you so much for 1k reads, i love you sooo much!

and omg i cried while i wrote this chapter it's kinda dramatic i guess idk i can't write anything he way i want it to be and it pisses me off

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"Come on Sammy, you gotta remember!" the frustration in Dean's voice was nothing compared to how he felt inside. He didn't know what to do. He was losing even the smallest amount of hope he had, after almost three days of telling stories, showing the other two men pictures and videos where Cas was, but it didn't seem to help.Once again, the angel left him all alone, helpless and broken.

"Dean look, I get it okay? You were trapped here for quite some time and I believe you that there was someone else here, but whatever they told you, it's not true, okay? You have to trust me on this one, man," Sam looked at him with compassion before patting his back lightly, his lips presed into a thin line. "Just...Let me show you. One last time, okay? I promise. If you won't remember, I'll never bring it up again. Just promise you'll try," Dean pleaded, looking from one man to the other. "Fine, if it helps you get over this, fine. But...Don't expect much, Dean. I...I just don't want you to be hurt when- if this doesn't work, alright?" Sam sighed and shook his head, following his brother on the couch in their motel room.

Bobby rolled his eyes and sighed, heading to the kitchen, too exhausted to listen to another story of Dean's. He didn't know what happened to him or who did it to him, he never heard of anything like that before, but he could see how the younger man was torn inside, trying to decide who to trust.

Dean sat down and opened a box that was lying on the floor. As he saw the pictures, he thought he would just break down into tears right there and then, but, reminding himself of the reason he's doing this, he reached into the box and took a few photos in his hand. He looked through them and picked one, turning it so that Sam could see. "This one. You remember this? We were in Louisiana. We couldn't find any cases so we just stayed in the motel, you were going jogging every morning, it seemed so...normal," Dean shook his head and tried to fight back the tears. Sam took the photo from him and looked at it closely.

There were three men standing in a small room, him, Dean and a man he didn't know. But it seemed like Dean knew him, judging by the way his lips were pressed against the man's cheek playfully, his arm around the stranger's waist, pulling them closer together. He raised his eyes and looked at his brother who was just wiping away a tear that was running down his cheek. He's seen Dean cry before, he's seen him hurt, but never like this. The pain in his eyes was mixed with something else, something, that made him look broken. When their dad died, Dean was sad, angry, but he never gave up. Whenever he lost someone, it just made him stronger, but this time it was diferrent. There was no more hope in his eyes, the spark of life was gone and Sam knew that something horrible must've happened that made his brother give up. "You loved him," Sam said quietly while studying his brother's face. Deam didn't look up, he just nodded and sobbed quietly, head in his hands, his body trembeling slightly. "Dean, I... I wish I could help you, you know. I don't know who he was and I still don't have any explanation for why we don't remember him, but I believe you. I'm here for you, you know that , right?" he squeezed the other man's shoulder gently and furrowed his eyebrows. Dean turned to him, his eyes bloodshot, and nodded again. "I know Sammy, I just... I think I gotta deal with this on my own right now," he struggled to keep his voice from cracking and patted Sam's back, giving him a small smile before standing up, letting the pictures fall from his hand to the box."I'm just gonna go out for a bit, okay?" he said before grabbing his jacket and rushing out of the door. He has to find him. No matter how long it might take, how many streets he'll have to search, he'll find Cas.

His jacket was soaked with cold water and raindrops were running down his face, mixing with the tears that were falling from his eyes. His body was numb from how cold it was and he couldn't see clearly due to the hours he spent crying, wandering in the streets, trying to find the man he loved.

He had no idea where he was or how he got there, the only thing clear in his mind was the angel, like a light at the end of the tunnel, the only thing that kept him going. His phone started buzzing in his pocket and he took a quick look at the screen before pressing the red button. He knew Sam would be worried, but he couldn't afford any distractions. He had to find Cas first.

It was oddly quiet in the street, no people, no cars, just thick fog rolling on the ground lazily. Dean looked around, allowing himself to hope, just for a second, that he would see the man he was looking for standing somewhere in the shadows, in the dark corners, but he soon realized there was no point. The thought that Cas could be somewhere all alone, hurt, maybe even dying, was tearing him apart.

He threw his phone against a brick wall, seeing it shatter and fall to the ground along with all his hopes, and for the first time since the angel was taken to hell, he allowed himself to let all the emotions out. His fist connected with the hard surface and he could feel the flesh on his knuckles tearing, leaving bloody marks on the wall. He hit the same spot all over and over again, screaming and shouting, until his hand was numb, until there was no more pain that would take his mind away from reality. Sliding down against the wall, he sat on the cold wet ground, hoping somehow he could shove the thoughts that were haunting him away, but no matter how hard he tried, they found their way back. The pain in his chest became almost unbearable, all the memories coming back, taking over his mind until there was nothing else, just pain. He couldn't move, he couldn't cry, breath was hitching in his throat, he wanted to scream but no sound came out, his chest was burning more and more every second.

He shut his eyes close, trying to get away from the memories that flooded his mind, but there was no escape. He thought he was going to lose his mind, but then he felt a strong grip on his shoulder. His eyes slowly opened and it didn't take long before he recognized the man standing in front of him. "Cas, I... I was looking for you," he managed to say before the other man gently pressed his palm against his forehead, sending him into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.