don't go | kim junmyeon

epilogue

[ BGM ]
Photograph - Ed Sheeran

I woke up feeling sore all over my body. I can't feel my arms and my two legs fucking hurts even with every little movements I made.

Half-awake, I try to recall what happened last night.

Flashbacks from my first time of making love with a man whom I just met and fell in love right away made my head hurt. I wasn't drunk, but it feels like I was drunk in love. Too crazy to believe what just happened all in one day with Junmyeon.

Wait, Junmyeon. Where is he?

I fully opened my eyes only to realize what it was: Junmyeon was gone.

I rubbed my eyes thinking I was just still feeling sleepy, but no, he's  really not here.

With all the energy I have, I was surprised I can jump out of bed with this sore body. I felt a pang of pain in my head but luckily, I managed to stand up.

Last night, this room was filled with love and laughter in the air but being here all alone now makes it a cold, lonely hotel room.

I looked around. His clothes are gone. Even his bag, his phone, and the camera that was always hanged around his neck which he removed and placed on the table when he was about to undress last night, all of these - gone.

Tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble, and like a small child I look toward outside the window, as if the sunlight could soothe me. There was static in my head once more, the side effect of pain from flashbacks of yesterday's memories and the constant fear I always had.

At first, I was contemplating whether to believe that Junmyeon really left me or not. I tried to think of reasons and excuses inside my head. We were happy yesterday. We were so in love. He even introduced me to his bestfriend and we went to museums and even the Eiffel Tower. He went to Amsterdam with me. He reserved and surprised me with Ed Sheeran. It was all so perfect. So how can he leave me?

I heard my own thoughts inside my head. Where are you, Junmyeon? I thought you said you will never leave me?  I thought you will never make me cry? That you will always try to be by my side? You promised, Junmyeon! Where are you now?

I'm trembling. Tears continue to flow like it's taking something out of me I didn't know I had left to give. I was hurt once again. And it feels like an injury no other person can see.

Suddenly, in a millisecond, I happen to catch a glimpse of the slightly opened door.

I rush down the hall to check that maybe Junmyeon was just outside or whatever reason it could be. Only to see splashes from two cups of spilled coffee and a paperbag with bread inside on the floor.

An unsettling feeling began welling inside me. There's was something wrong.

I tried to calm myself and think that there's a rational explanation behind this. Perhaps Junmyeon really never left me at all. Perhaps something just happened.

Wait.

What if something bad happened to him? What if he bought the coffee and bread for our breakfast and something bad happened to him while on his way back here in our room? What if someone tried to get him or worse, kill him, that he accidentally dropped these on  the floor?

I started to tremble with fear. I was all so frightened and desperate for answers.

I ran back inside the room, slip into my dress and shoes, no time to pace and contemplate  around if I should really look out for him, and finally, just decided to take the leap of faith and go out of this long-forgotten hotel room to find Junmyeon.