Faking It

Edited: 26

"Thank you." Roise tells Travis after she puts the bandaid on her knee. We've already clean up the broken glass on the floor.

"No problem," he says handing me the first aid kit.

"Can you guys walk my to my next lesson?" She asks.

"Well," he looks at me in question, silently asking if I would willingly spend more with him.

 I shrug in answer. 

"Of course, little one," He smiles as he stands up.

"Yay!"

"But," he says "I have kitchen duty...would you mind being a bit late?"

"No, I don't mind, I can make a flower crown while I wait!" She says and runs off to a patch of grass near us.

"Okay, well let me hurry up and finish cleaning up here and we can walk her." He says turning to me.

"Alright." I say and I head over to the kitchen as he heads over to pick up some more plates left behind. 

I wait for him to come back into the kitchen and stand in front of the sink. When he does, he stands beside me and sets the plates in the sink as I turn on the water, start to put soap on a sponge and start washing a plate.

"Okay, what are you doing?" He asks taking the sponge out of my hand.

"Well I was trying to wash a dish but it seems my sponge has been kidnapped." I try to grab it back but he snatches it out of my reach. "Give it back, Travis."

He gives me a weird look.

"You good? Or is there something on my face, because you're giving me this weird look and—"

"Why are you being so...weird?"

"Weird?" I blink.

"This morning we spoke for maybe 10 seconds and in that time period you managed to just shut down everything that I had said to you. And now...you're helping me with kitchen duty?"

I break eye contact. "I'm sorry. You just...I--" I stop and take a breath. "This whole fake relationship situation has been really confusing, it's difficult to navigate."

He just stands there for a second looking at me. When I finally look at him in the eyes I can see them calculating. I can see them thinking. I sigh, turn away from him, towards the sink and look down again. What is wrong with me? I've probably just screwed everything up and he even knows that I'm acting weird. 

What the hell am I doing here? I shouldn't have agreed to do this. I should have stayed in my cabin, I should have not listened to Railynn, and Reyes, and Myra, and Miranda, and Rosie. I should have said no to begin with.

But I didn't. I said yes and I've made a mess and a fool of myself. There are so many should haves and shouldn't haves, and so many 'why did I do that's' and 'why didn't I just do that's'. And when it all comes down to it, what was it all for? In the end, right now, Travis probably thinks I'm an emotionally unpredictable and unstable wreck. So what's the point?

A slight movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention and I look in its direction. Travis is holding a rag out to me. I frown at him. "Take the stupid rag, Katie." He says "I wash, you dry."

I'm brought back to when Railynn walked in on us kissing in this very room. Suddenly it hits me that this is the last week we'll have our kitchen duty punishment. I take the rag and just hold it in my hand.  

"What?" He says frowning.  

I say nothing and hop up onto the counter to sit. When he's done washing the plate, he hands it to me. I dry it and then place it on a nearby cart.

We continue like this for quite a while and in complete silence too, that slips in and out of awkwardness. But nonetheless, neither of us talk. We just stay that way until we have barely any more dishes to clean. As he picks up another glass, someone finally breaks the silence.

"You wanna hear a joke?" He says after some time.

"Well," I mean, I'm happy not that we're talking—I didn't expect to just go on without anything said—but what if I don't know what it say? Or if I say something wrong? I hop up and sit on the counter. 

I think back to what Myra told me. Do I really have the power to make Travis fall to his knees? 

I lift my chin, square my shoulders, steady my breathing, and level my gaze at him. "Sure."

"A guy walks into a bar." He pauses, "Ouch!"

I give a small laugh and shake my head "I've already heard that joke from Miranda."

"Oh." He rubs the back of his neck nervously, "Connor told me it a while ago."

"Connor needs new jokes." I say, "Miranda told me this morning."

"Connor told me the night of the party..." He lets the rest of the sentence die out.

"Oh, well" I look away and clear my throat. "That night was fun, wasn't it?" 

"Part of it was."

I stay silent.

"The food was great. So was the weather, and well one other thing but..."

"You got Myra back." I say slowly, testing the waters.

"Not really but that wasn't really good part..." He keeps letting his sentences die. As if he has more to say. He sighs and sets the plate he was washing down in the sink. "It was actually the kiss."

"What do you mean?" I ask. I look at Travis and he looks at everything except for my eyes. The side of my face. The wall behind me. The counter I'm sitting on. The cart beside me. Anything—everything—but back at my eyes.

"Katie that night...The way we seem to have ended..." My heart pains at the word ended and he grimaces at it too. "It was all wrong."

I look down. Breathe. In. Out. Then look up again. This time, his eyes stare back at me. I don't think I can speak. And even if I could, I don't know what I would say so I stay silent.

"Myra was being a brat. She wanted the attention and the drama and everything that would come with it—" 

The heartbreak, the tears, the crying, the hurt, the pain, the loss, the distance between Travis and I. Everything that came with it. That was it. That's what she wanted. That's what it came with. That's what she got. 

"But that's not what I wanted. We may have been in a fake relationship, but my feelings for you grew to be real. She told me to choose, Katie. I know you remember. When I had my heart made up, she didn't even let me choose. When it all happened, it happened without it really being my choice."

My breath hitches and I feel tears brimming my eyes.

"My choice wasn't Myra, Katie." He says, "My choice was you. I chose—and still choose—you."