Something Missing [Daryl Dixon Love Story]

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

I wake up with my heart beating so fast that I think it’s trying to leap from my chest. The dream had felt so real. Was it wrong of me to wish it were? It’s been so long since I was allowed to feel things like that.

***

“Where are we going?” I asked with a girlish giggling slipping through my lips. He was able to extract such a noise from me?

            His hand was pulling me along through a field of flowers that tickled my exposed legs. The light summer air ruffles my curled hair and the white sundress I am wearing.

            “Our secret place.” He says. There is determination all across his features; it’s kind of cute that way.

He doesn’t stop pulling me until we are under a tree that is randomly placed in the center of the flower field. He sits down with his back against the tree pulls me down beside him.

            The gesture makes me smile and I lay my head on his chest. I’m listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart and I’m watching the lazy swaying of the flowers against the breeze. “Is it possible to stay here forever?” I ask.

            “You know it’s only a dream, Emma…” he said, almost sadly. “Even if it were real it couldn’t be.”

            I sigh, “I know… But nevertheless, I still miss you after all this time.”

            “I shouldn’t have ever left you back then. I’d like to think that I’ve had to suffer for it every day since.”

            “The girl you ended up marrying… I wonder all the time if you are happier with her.” I sigh. “Is it pathetic that I still keep you in part of my conscience?”

            “No, I am the same. I don’t think I ever actually stopped loving you.”

            “I don’t like to think you do. At first, that’s the way I thought about it but then I realized…that would hurt you. Loving me while you married her… I didn’t want to think that I was the reason that you weren’t okay.”

            “Even though it ended up hurting you?” he asks.

            I close my eyes. “I’d rather hurt myself than hurt you.”

            “You’re too self-sacrificing, Emma…”

            “Maybe that’s what he meant…” I whispered.

            “He? Do you mean the older man from the camp?”

            “Oh, you heard that?”

            He was quiet for a while. “Yes, I am always there.”

We don’t speak for a long time, but the unanswered statement of mine still lingers for the both of us.

            “He is right. If I were there now I would probably tell you the same thing. You know you couldn’t save them.”

            That’s right, he knew. The blame wasn’t just with Alex’s death. It all started with the death of my mother, then Alex, then Ally, then dad… That’s just the way I am I guess.

            “You shouldn’t live like that…because it isn’t really living if you are just leading a life of blame…”

            “You should’ve went with your dream and became a writer like you planned…you have such a way with words.”