Waves Don't Die

Fool For You

I was 16 when I thought I was ready for love,
"Take me! Send me one of your best,"
I screamed to the world
The sky grumbled and cracked
And there, in front of me,
Was a boy nothing like I expected

To say I was baffled would be an understatement
With his black buzzed cut hair, lanky arms and disturbingly deep voice,
I was quick to shove him back to the world
"Urm, never mind; not him please" I sheepishly mumbled to the sky

He didn't retreat
And he stayed by me
More and more my outer shell cracked,
Weakening under his brown eyes and hearty laugh
I was already falling before he could whisper his poetry in my ears

They say a girl's kryptonite is when a guy is attractive
For me, it's when their lips form the shape of poetry
When he recited his poem I knew I was gone
Chapped lips murmuring, tongue slowly moving
"What it takes to be a man" he recited
I inched toward him,
Wanting to show him what it took
Wanting to get intoxicated by his smell,
Wanting to finally fall in love, in the traps of love's embrace and capture

He finally told me his truth,
"I like you,"
I froze
My mind suddenly repeated every insecurity I had about him
Voice, public behavior, fear of getting close
Voice, behavior, my fear--
Over and over as I stared at him
I looked down, ashamed
I mumbled words and apologies,
Poetry and feelings don't mean anything when you're 16 and afraid
Being obsessed with the concept of love makes you a fool
Because that's all it is-- a concept
Connection and beautiful words mean nothing when you're afraid

Turns out I'd been the fool all along