Waves Don't Die

First love

I've only fallen in love once in my life
He was a subtle storm all girls loved to chase
I never once thought that I would be the one captured in his embrace

He smelled like damp grass and laundry detergent
I sometimes inhale the air after it rains,
In hopes to replicate how I felt as he pulled me in closer to him

I felt special, when he leaned in to tell me a forbidden secret,
his lips brushed my ear,
his breath tickled my neck
I listened as he spoke,
Understood as he revealed his demons

Afraid of my rejection, his eyes shut closed
I cupped his face in my hands as I made him open his eyes
"I love you," I proclaimed

He never said it back
And I didn't care
He smiled sadly as he thanked me,
"You have no idea what that means to me, Sunshine"

I didn't know how far gone he was until he disappeared
I was so entranced in my love for him that I failed to see his self destruction

He was so deep underwater no one could spot any trace of him left
Apparently he was far gone even before I waltzed into his life
They said he sold his things, said his secret goodbyes, and kissed the moon goodnight one last time
And then he met me

For a moment, the sun's golden liquid molded and mushed his broken heart together again
(He always called me his personal ball of Sunshine)

For a moment, he planned to stay
He bought back the things he sold,
told everyone hello, and kissed me good morning

He had everyone fooled
Hell, he even had himself fooled
I believed him when he said he was finally happy, that I made him happy

I should have known how long that would last
I couldn't save him, no one could
But I should have seen that his cheeks were red with guilt, not love
I looked at him and he smiled, but as soon as I looked away his exterior immediately crumbled

As much as he hated the world, he hated himself more
He never learned to forgive himself, to let go of the past,
No matter how hard he tried to for the girl he loved-- his own ball of sunshine

So when I said I love you forever,
He finally said good bye.