24 Hours - Phan

1:00pm

Downstairs, Dan wedges himself into his usual spot on the couch with his laptop. He chews on his bottom lip as he scrolls quickly through the comments on his last video, only catching a few words as he goes. Years ago when he first started his channel, he logged on constantly to monitor his view numbers and comments, if there even were any. What started out as a whim to make connections with people, well, with one person in particular, had turned into some sort of weird minor internet fame, which he wrongly assumed was only temporary. Of course, the only thing he had really wanted to begin with was to meet Amazing Phil. He just never asked for everything that came along with it.

Just when they became acclimated to this strange new life, it exploded into pandemonium. Friendly posts had turned into marriage proposals and aggressive messages. Some of it bordered on obsession. It was sort of amusing at first, and then to his shock and horror, 'phan' was born. It was like all of these strangers somehow knew what was going on in his head. Each innocent touch and glance they made was caught on camera and then analyzed and discussed ad nauseam. And shortly after, the deluge of fanfiction and Tumblr posts began. He had nervously and cautiously kept an eye on Phil to see his reaction to the tsunami of smut they now found themselves wading through.

Part of him is glad that it doesn't bother Phil or make him uncomfortable, but another part of him is disappointed. Dan thought that it may open the door to the possibility of their platonic branding turning into something more. Any time he gingerly brings it up, Phil just laughs and waves him away. How can it not be on his mind at all when it is all Dan seems to think about anymore?

'Does it really not affect him?' Dan thinks. How could it not? Surely he'll eventually say something, right? But he never does. Dan feels a wave of embarrassment wash over him. What would Phil think if he ever found out that every now and then he would read some of it? At first, it was just out of curiosity. I mean seriously...how could 15-year-old girls be that graphic? Shortly after that, the stories provided him with a weird sort of comfort. Every now and then, when he can't escape the thoughts racing through his head long enough to find sleep at night or needs a distraction, he'll pull up one of the sites on his phone and page through the stories. After a while, he would drift off with satiating thoughts of what it would be like if Phil was wrapped around him in his bed.

"Dan? Are you sleeping sitting up on the couch? Why are your eyes closed?" Phil questions as he pokes his head into the room.

Jolted from his thoughts, Dan slams his laptop shut and hastily moves it further up on his lap. Too embarrassed to look at him, he turns his head and pretends to be searching for something on the bookcase.

"I was just thinking,' he says in what he prays is a normal voice. He continues his fake perusal of the huge assortment of video games and anime figures until he's sure that Phil has backed out of the room.

He glances over his shoulder at the empty doorway and exhales a huge breath. He lays his head back on the couch cushions, silently chastising himself for being so careless. He had already made the decision years ago that this couldn't happen. The risk was too great. Even if he made his feelings known, and by some small miracle Phil even remotely felt the same way, he would never let anything happen. If it didn't work out, who would he have then? He would never survive being alone again.