24 Hours - Phan

8:00am

I love you.

Phil's world narrows down to those three words. Hearing them come out of Dan's mouth makes him feel like he's slipping into one of his endless daydreams and he wants to ask him to say it again just to make sure this is happening. Dan loves him. He doesn't want to move or breath, but just stand there and let those long-awaited words sink in. How many times had he fantasized about this moment? His blue eyes search Dan's face, and he knows he's telling the truth. He completely breaks down in front of Dan, his legs becoming wobbly and tears spilling down his cheeks as he throws his arms around him.

"I love you too, Dan. I can't even begin to tell you how much," he says softly.

Phil has no idea how long they stood like that, with Dan cradling him against his chest. He only knows that he doesn't want him to let go. Phil holds onto him like his life depends on it.

"I'm scared," Dan murmurs to him, still not relaxing his hold. "I'm really scared about all of this."

"I am too," Phil answers gently, "but it will be ok. I promise you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

Dan pulls back a little bit and hesitates, lowering his eyes back down to the floor. "Were you with someone else last night?" he finally asks, the words spilling out quickly.

"Is that what you thought I was doing?" Phil asks in amazement. "Regardless of how mad I was when I left last night, I still love you. I could never be with someone else, especially out of anger. It's always been you, Dan. There's no one else."

He can feel Dan's body relax next to him.

"Then where did you go last night when you left?" Dan asks through sniffles.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I just started walking and ended up in a neighborhood I've never been in before. I was just so mad, Dan. It killed me to walk away from you like that, but I just needed some time to cool off and think about what's going to happen next."

"So what did you decide?"

"It's not just up to me to make that decision on my own. Dan, last night was the best and worst night of my life. I can't even tell you how happy I was when I made the connection between all of those photos on your laptop because, at that moment, I knew that you were thinking of me in the same way I was thinking of you. I thought that this was finally it after all of these years. Proof that you saw me as something more than just a friend, that you wanted me to be more than just your roommate."

"But I've always wanted that!" Dan says with pleading eyes. "You were never just a roommate to me!"

"Then why did you get out of bed last night?" Phil asks, sadness starting to creep back into his voice. "Why did you tell me we should forget it ever happened? I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. While I was walking around, I stopped in a neighborhood and sat on a bench for a while. Across the street, a man and woman were standing in one of the windows and they were trying to get their baby to go back to sleep. That's what I want for us, Dan. To be a family. I want us to get married someday and buy a forever-home. Instead, I was sitting by myself in a strange neighborhood in the middle of the night, avoiding going back home because I was too scared about what was going to happen when I got there."

"You want all of those things with me? Even after what I did?"

"Yes, more than anything. I thought that's what last night was. The beginning of our lives as a couple. I just don't understand why you changed your mind."

"I'm so sorry," Dan says, starting to sob again. "I could never act like last night meant nothing to me and I should never have asked you to pretend it didn't mean anything to you either. I was so stupid for saying that. Do you know what I did while you were gone? I just paced around waiting for you. I was too scared to fall asleep because I didn't want to miss getting a chance to apologize in case you only came back to pack your things and leave. I hate myself for what I did, Phil. This entire thing is my fault. How can you possibly still want me?"

Phil holds him a little tighter, feeling Dan's tears on his neck as he nuzzles in closer. "You really want to know how I could still want you?" he asks, bewildered. "I was completely and undeniably yours when your face appeared on that first skype call. You smiled and said my name, and there was no going back for me at that point. You were this perfect combination of shy, awkward, and funny, completely unlike anyone I'd ever met before. You still are."

"This isn't all your fault," Phil continues. "I never should've walked out the door when you asked me to stay. I knew you were upset, but I was just so hurt. Dan, you need to tell me right now what you want and don't say that you need to think about it. We've both had years to do that. You either want this or you don't. If you don't want us to have a romantic relationship and just keep things as they are, I'll be disappointed but I'll accept your decision. I'm not going anywhere, and to be honest, I don't think I can. If friendship is all you can give me, then I'll gladly accept it. I still want a life with you."

Dan thinks back to all of the years they've wasted, both too scared to tell each other the truth because they were terrified of losing what they already had. He finally had his chance and completely messed it up. He doesn't want to lose any more time.

Phil feels the graze of Dan's lips against his neck. He closes his eyes as the warmth rolls through his body and his willpower drains away. He shakes his head and regains his composure, pulling away and untangling himself from Dan's arms.

"Dan, I need an answer before anything else can happen. I asked you before if you were sure and you said yes, but you broke my heart when I woke up and you weren't next to me. I thought I was going to go crazy walking around all night out there. I wanted to come home so badly, but I was too scared that you were going to tell me something that I couldn't bear to hear. I'm not going to try to talk you into being with me. You're going to have to decide that on your own."

"I panicked when you left," Dan says softly. "I'd never seen you that angry before. I thought that everything was over...that you would come back, pack a bag, and that would be it. I need you, Phil."

"I need you too," Phil says gingerly. He leans in and gives Dan a tender kiss on the lips. "But are you absolutely sure you want this?"