I stopped to read everyones face, but I didn't get much. All I got was either a blank stare or crying, there was no in between. I looked over at Niall and he didn't seem very happy because he knew there was one thing he couldn't protect me from. And that was my past. If I had to guess, Niall was more interested in why I started, and well that's coming next, but I just wish I knew why he started. Guess I'll have to ask later.
"The next day at school wasn't very fun. I was either hearing the rumors about the way or reason I broke my arm or how sorry everyone was that I had a broken arm. But as the weeks went on after my dad got arrested everyone went back to their "normal" routine, to make my life a living hell. The name calling got worse, I became depressed and started eating less. The only people who noticed where my siblings, Keegan and Mickena. They tried to help me get better, but it didn't work at all. So one night I had had enough of it and I broke my razor in the shower and made a few scratches on my forearm." I said pointing to approximately the area they were. I looked up at Niall and he had a look of understanding and concern on his face.
I continued "That small amount of pain felt amazing, like nothing I ever felt before, I felt alive and free. Nothing compared to what my father had done to me. But I wasn't prepared for what was in store for me after those feelings wore off. The guilt and shame were almost unbearable and sent me into a deeper depression. I could deal with the feeling of guilt for about a week at a time and then I just need that release from it and the name calling." I looked up at Niall and the look in his eyes was that of understanding in a way.
"I started the vlog because I needed a different outlet, plus Mickena was noticing I was getting worse so she kind of suggested it. Whenever I was taping my videos I was truly happy and it felt great. I didn't want it to end, but it did once we started editing...when I started it, it kept me clean for about one and a half months. I only relapsed because of an extremely hateful comment I got." I stopped to take a deep breath to hold back the tears. "The comment had said quote 'Y the f*** r u still alive?! U should hve killed ur self yrs ago. Ur a stupid whore and dnt deserve 2 b alive. Do us all a favor and go kill ur self' unquote. I didn't stay on the computer long enough to see how many of my subscribers yelled at them and then to the comments on how much they love me. After I saw the hate comment, I shot Mic a text to look at it and then I did not check my phone after that. I knew Mickena would blow my phone up and then get her ass over to my house. At this moment I didn't care if my brothers and sister caught me or if Mickena did. All I wanted to do was get rid of the pain. I remember making slashes across my writs, I stopped counting after 8. That was the last thing i remeber before waking up in my brothers bed with his arms protectively around me."
I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I started to sob uncontrollably. I got up to walk to the bathroom but my legs wouldn't support me so I just fell to the ground. The last thing that I remember was everyone rushing towards me and then things went black.
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Sorry it took so long to update. I've just been really busy with things going on in my life. I love you guys so much. Stay Strong.<3
Ohh Lillie's story isn't completely over yet. But I thought that I'd just shake things up a bit.(:
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Wait...What Happened?
Fiksi Remaja17 year old, Lillianne Marie Lowe, never could have guessed that one day she'd be sitting in One Direction's flat on a day in June. With her troubled and not so healthy past and a torn family, she never would have guessed what would be happening to...
