please dont say you love me // tracob au

0.4

Loosing someone you love, especially the love of your life, can easily be described as taking a chunk out of your heart and leaving it behind.

It's like loosing a leg. It's painful and horrible, and once you start to accept it, you need to learn to live your life differently. You accept that things might be fine at the moment, but they'll be different. You need to learn how to walk without a leg, how to drive, how to shower, how to ride a bike. It's like learning how to do all that without a piece of your heart.

And fuck, its the piece Troye loved most in the universe.

He's trying, he's learning. He went and got lunch today and ate it by himself; in the corner of the sandwich shop with his headphones in and head down, but at least he did it. The next step was going to the bank and that was a quick 20 minute procedure and that led him to sitting in his car not wanting to go home. He wanted to continue on this streak of living. Anything to make him feel more alive than he's felt in ages. He looked down at his passenger seat and looked at the pile of stuff he had with him- which included the stupid pink parking ticket from Tyler's party.

He knew he had to go to the DMV to pay it, but he looked at the clock and knew that time wouldn't allow him to get to the DMV, wait in line, pay the ticket and get back home, let alone leave time for any other shenanigans that usually came with a trip to the DMV.

He had a date to get ready for.

He put the car in drive and headed on the freeway heading back to his West Hollywood home. And as soon as he got through the door, the nerves started creeping up his body like he was back in his nearly 17 year old body getting ready for his first ever date with a boy.

He went on a few dates when he was 15, but those didn't get him as nervous as that night had, primarily because they were with girls and he wasn't specifically interested in girls. Once he was out and knew his family and friends accepted him, he had worked up the nerve to ask one of the only other openly gay kids at his high school, Matthew, out on a date. He sprayed himself with too much axe and probably talked way too much out of nerves, but the night ended up with them successfully making out in the back seat of Matthews car.

The relationship mutually ended when Matthew graduated a few months later and was going to Melbourne for school, leaving Troye in Perth, and an emotional mess for his last year of high school. He quickly became busy using his fake ID to go to bars and clubs with his friends and find everyone and anyone to make out with to get his mind off of Matthew and his new college boyfriend he'd gotten glimpses of on social media.

Once Troye finally turned 18 a mere two weeks before his high school graduation, he went to his first gay bar with a friend who was a year older than him who had been there many times prior. It was a scary experience but left him feeling a lot better about his life and he knew he needed to follow his heart.

It was a stressful week following that drunken night at the gay club, but Troye had shakily walked up to his parents while making dinner in the kitchen and told them he wanted to move to LA and accept the record deal that an American record label had given him a few months prior, telling him to think about the offer and the possibility of a career in LA.

Troye hated leaving his whole life behind, the one he'd spent 18 years making and creating for himself, with everything he knows safely and neatly packed in tight.

But his new life was waiting. He wanted music. He wanted LA. He wanted a life where he could inspire people to live their truths just like Troye had been trying to do for years. He knew he wanted to make his music his career and knew that the city of angels would be his launching pad.