please dont say you love me // tracob au

0.9

Troye sat at the grave. And he couldn't even speak. He felt like all of his words were gone. Like every single tear that slipped down his cheek carried a section of his mind with it, and so he was left with absolutely nothing. He just had a jumble of thoughts that didn't make sense, and feelings that he couldn't place, and memories that he couldn't stop seeing wherever he looked and a heart that felt like it would be forever plagued with unhappiness.

It was almost 11 in the morning. He'd never been here at this time. It was weird. He very quickly became uncomfortable with the number of people who were here at this same time.

They're all sad.

They're all here to visit loved ones who've died, but Troye somehow could not get over the bountiful embarrassment that came with sobbing his weak heart out in this distinctly quiet place.

He didn't understand. He didn't get his feelings and he didn't get what his mind was telling him. He didn't understand why things seemed like they were going so well and here he was back at the start. He felt like how he did the first time he ever came to this place with an absolutely demolished heart.

For the first time since he woke up, he sat and sadly reminisced on the previous night.

It had gone well. Things were good.

Why couldn't he move on and enjoy a night with the boy he undeniably had grown feelings for over the past month? He couldn't deny that anymore. He liked Jacob. Fuck did he like Jacob.

He didn't want to feel this upset.

He'd be lying if he said he enjoyed getting up before the sun awakens every morning but he simply felt obligated to. He felt too connected to Connor to stop- hence the reaction his body had this morning when he overslept. He could've enjoyed a nice breakfast and day off with the boy that had slept in his bed last night but his stupid feelings went and fucked it all up.

Now Jacob would be gone and so would any chance at escaping this never ending cycle of his own personal emotional hell. 

Stupid drinking. Stupid sex. Stupid forgetting to set the alarm.

He felt like his life was one downhill rollercoaster that never seemed to pick up. He felt himself headed straight for a ditch and catching fire as he watched everything he knew fall to the ground around him.

He just didn't know anything anymore.

• • •

Back at the apartment, Jacob was left with a million questions and a slightly broken heart at the sight Troye left him with. He took a deep breath after he watched Troye speed away.

Jacob walked back into the bedroom slowly, debating on what to do. Whether or not he should leave, or call him, or chase after him.

But he had a feeling. He had a feeling he knew.

He sighed as he looked around the room and saw the mess that Troye had left in his frenzy to leave. He began to pick things up, starting with drawers that had been left open and socks that were thrown around.

He stopped when his eyes caught sight of the bedside table where the bottle of lube they used last night was on its side, with the cap open. He picked it up and closed the cap, placing it back in the drawer where he had grabbed it from some twelve hours earlier. After doing that he fixed the alarm clock from where Troye had pulled it from its place and repositioned it.

He also noticed a frame. A picture frame that had been knocked over on its front, and so he carefully picked it up and looked at it. He first noticed the large crack that went down the center of the frame, with a few smaller cracks coming off of that one, as if it had been slammed down with force and nearly shattered the glass.