please dont say you love me // tracob au

0.6

i'm sorry

i'm so sorry. i was out and wasn't looking at my phone and i came home and went straight to bed

i'm horrible i'm sorry

i hope you don't hate me

Troye furiously typed at he was trying to multitask by texting Jacob and getting dressed for going to the graveyard. He had missed his alarm and was gonna be late if he didn't hurry. He rummaged through piles of dirty clothes on his floor that were piled high. Rightfully so, considering the fact that he hasn't done laundry by himself in months. Sometimes Tyler or Mamrie or another friend would do his laundry for him when they visited- they knew he wouldn't do it on his own and that he would stay in the same dirty sweatpants for a month if no one forced him to change. He finally pulled on a white t-shirt that had a few stains on it but he really couldn't care less.

He looked down at his texts to Jacob and sighed. He felt guilty for lying, but there was technically only one lie in there.

He did go to bed early.

He was horrible.

He didn't want Jacob to hate him.

No matter how badly Troye wanted Jacob to tell him he wasn't interesting anymore and to just walk away and out of his life forever because somehow that might make things slightly easier (even though they wouldn't), he didn't want Jacob to hate him. He got so much validation from Jacob and he soaked in it.

He soaked in Jacob's kisses, his kind words and his promises. Maybe Troye would spiral down even further if that was taken away from him. If he took that away from himself.

He was trying his hardest to not push Jacob away. He really was. And thats the best he could do at the moment.

He got in the car and sped down the street, in a hurry to get there since he could already see the sun starting to rise up above the horizon and that was against the rules. The sun wasn't allowed to come up before he got there.

Connor wasn't allowed to enjoy it without him.

He got there just as the bright rays of orange and yellow hit the shiny spot on top of Connor's gravestone that made it look like it was made of shimmering diamonds.

"Hey.... I'm sorry." He said. "I had kind of a rough night last night."

And so he sat until he felt he had no more words to say today. He exhausted himself to the point of emptiness.

He sighed and gave Connor a silent goodbye as he headed home.

He had a sickly feeling in his stomach. Almost as if today was just going to be one of those days. Like today was doomed to be a bad day. His stomach cried in angst as his head did laps around itself.

He had lots of bad days.

But these were even worse.

He felt his stomach start to turn as he drove home. He knew Jacob had an early class today and wouldn't be at the grocery store but his gaze still seemed to linger there while he sat at the traffic light on the corner. When it turned green he slowly started driving forward, his mind unable to leave the thought of the now infamous grocery store boy.

Troye was driving down his street and as he got closer to his apartment he recognized a red car right out in front of his home. He pulled into the driveway as his eyes looked up to his porch and his eyes met with Jacob's- who was leaning against the house right next to the door patiently, as if he was waiting for him.