please dont say you love me // tracob au

1.0

Troye woke up after another long much needed nap, his chest feeling the slightest bit lighter after his talk with Jacob. He was searching for the immediate feeling of relief that he so desperately needed...like feeling Jacob's hands around his body or the light sounds of Jacob's breathing. But he couldn't find it, so he slowly cracked open his eyes and realized that Jacob was gone once again.

panicpanicpanic was all Troye's mind was capable of doing for the time being. 

But Troye's mind couldn't freak out too much before his eyes laid upon the blue sticky note that took the place of where Jacob had previously lay.

Tro, I was going to skip class but I had a quiz I couldn't miss. I'm sorry. Please text me if you need me. Be back asap

ps. I love you xoxo

-Jacob

Troye felt his heart shake at the last words of the note. In a heartbreaking combination of both the best and the worst ways. He couldn't understand why someone like Jacob could love him, but his heart and mind were hurting a little too much to worry about that at the moment.

He sighed as he plopped his head back down on the pillow, wanting to sleep for another three days but not having the energy to shut his eyes. He carefully got out of the bed, and wrapped his favorite fluffy blanket around his body and walked into the living room and sat himself on the couch. He took a moment to adjust to the light of the living room, which was great in contrast to his bedroom, which he kept very dark thanks to closed curtains and lights dim or off. 

He likes to think he feels better when his outsides are as dark as his insides.

He looked around the quiet apartment and sighed.

His mouth was dry but he couldn't find it in himself to go get water. He needed to go to the bathroom but the thought of tracking all the way back to the bathroom seemed impossible. He didn't know what to do so he just sat, quietly pondering the events of the day, before his eyes landed on Jacob's laptop sitting on the coffee table.

He first thinks Jacob must've forgotten it but then realized if Jacob only had a quiz then he probably didn't need it. He figured he could waste away time on the internet, as it has proven to be a good time buffer in the past. So he picked up Jacob's laptop, which was fully decorated in the most random but beautiful array of stickers, ranging from a rainbow pride one to a feminist one to a FRIENDS one. They made Troye chuckle, and also made him realize how good of taste he has in men.

He opened the laptop, knowing Jacob was too lazy to put a password on his device. He remembers the last time he used his laptop, and him and Jacob got into a ten minute argument on how he should lock it because someone could get ahold of it and steal his information.

No one is going to get it Troye! It's easier to use without a password!

Troye smiled, maybe he was right, as now Troye could use it since the short walk back to the bedroom to grab his own seemed too daunting.

He opened it and let the page load, ready to click on the internet browser. But he didn't need to. Because already up on the screen was about thirteen tabs, and the current one up was in fact his own Instagram feed.

Strange.

But he felt his breath speed up as he noticed all the other tabs open.

Connor's Instagram

His twitter

A news article with pictures of Troye out this past month

A news article talking about Connor's death