Mama

Chapter Two

June 2001:

The dinner that Keri prepared was so good. I've been reading a lot of pregnancy books, with Keri. I'm a little nervous, because I want to be a good mother to my son.

"Do you think the baby will look like you, or me?" I asked. Our families have very strong genes, and it's a 50/50 thing.

"I think he'll look like his sexy mama." Keri said, while rubbing my stomach. I hope that the labor won't be painful, and it'll be smooth and easy.

"Thanks, honey." I said, kissing his lips. Two years ago, we never thought we'd be married with a child on the way. I was on some acne medication, and I became pregnant with Keri's child, but the sad part was that the baby would be deformed. I didn't want to make my child suffer, because of me.

I still feel a little guilty that I killed an innocent child. Until this very moment, I use to beat myself up about it, because I felt like I was going to hell, for aborting a soul.

Nobody in my family knows, except Keri of course. I can't tell my parents because my father is married with a new woman, meanwhile, my mother is still willing to chop my father's you know what, off. My parents were married for thirty-five years, and my mother caught him stepping outside of the marriage, with a woman for nine years.

I couldn't really be happy about my third album 'The Heat' which dropped April of last year. My main focus was the sanity of each of my parents. Our family will never be the same; no matter what. Just thirty days after their divorce was finalized, my father remarried..to his lover.

I always had trust issues, and so I was afraid of moving too fast with Keri. My mother always told me, every man cheats. She instilled that in my head, to the point where I was afraid to love.

My sisters and I were affected by it, especially my baby sister, Tamar. She still thinks until this day, that our mom and dad, will be back together. It's NOT going to happen..and I know this. I have a strong feeling that my dad won't see me, when I give birth, to his grandson. I would appreciate it, if my parents both could put their differences aside, for ONE night.