Mama

Chapter Seventeen

September 2001:

Mommy is coming over today, and I really have been avoiding this conversation about this divorce, and separation in our family.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. She sipped her tea, and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know what to feel, Toni. Your sperm donor really did me dirty. What did I do wrong?" Mommy said.

"People fall out of love, ma. Yes, what Daddy did was wrong, but—" I said while being cut off.

"There's no buts. He's a man of God, a leader of a church, and he does this?! Steps out of a marriage for nine years, then marries thirty days after the divorce. The man can go to hell."

"'Ma, he's still my father, and the grandfather to my unborn son..please have respect for him." I said.

"Respect a man who did a dirty sin? We sin everyday, but this has got to be a joke. I must be getting punk'd. You're clearly on his side." Mom said. Her voice was filled with 100% anger and sadness.

"Mommy, I am on nobody's side. I love you and my father, equally. But what I'm asking you is, can you put your feelings aside for once? I lost my husband and best friend, in a month's span. Everything is weighing down on me, and I'm alone. I'm about to be six months pregnant, and I live in a big home, by myself. I wake up, everyday to smell Keri's scent. Mommy, do you know what it feels like to wait on your man, who won't come back to you, saying he loves you or misses you?" I cried. From July until now, I never mourned properly, because I suppressed my feelings, to help my family and friends.

"God's got you, my love. He will not leave you or forsake you. He cares for you, and loves you. Keri is shining down on his wife and son, and so is Aaliyah. They loved you so much, and we love you too." Mommy said.

"I love you too, Mommy." I said, into her arms.