Mama

Chapter Twenty Four

December 2nd, 2001:

Around 8:30 in the evening, my water broke, and I was three weeks early from my due date. I called my mother, Tamar, and Karen to tell them the exciting news.

I drove myself to the hospital, which is thirty minutes away. Immediately, I started to have contractions, like crazy. Pain and myself never mixed well.

Every time I looked to my left side, I would see Keri, holding my hand. When I need him the most, he wasn't there. I just wish that God hadn't taken him so soon.
--
Within two hours, Tamar and Mommy came from Maryland, after Towanda's wedding. I was on bed rest, so I couldn't make the event.

"Aww, my baby is having a baby." Mommy cried. Good God, she's so emotional. I felt like ultimate shit. I wanted to cry, but I had to fight the pain.

"How do you feel?" Tamar asked. At this point, I didn't want to talk, I just need this kid out of me. I put my thumb up, with a fake smile on my face.

A doctor, which I've never seen before came in my room. My normal doctor is Dr. Jackie, and that wasn't her.

"Hi Mrs. Lewis, I'm Dr. Young. Unfortunately, Dr. Jackie had a big family emergency, so therefore she cannot deliver your baby. No worries, I'm here--and it looks like you're having a C-section. Let me check how far along you are." Dr. Young said.

I'm probably not that far dilated. Maybe 4cm, hell..even 5cm.

"You are 2cm, so continue to eat your ice. I'll be back within 30 minutes." Dr. Young smiled. She left the room, and I became upset. I just want this baby out of me, and it looks like he's not coming anytime soon.
--
1:16AM:

I'm on my way to the OR, and I'm scared as hell. What if something happens to the baby, or me? I just want the baby and I to be okay. I invited Tamar to come in the room, just to be my support.

"Okay, Toni. We're going to cut you open now; you'll feel a little pulling and tugging, along with some pressure." Dr. Young said. Tamar sat by me, keeping me calm.

"Ouch," I moaned. The pressure was extreme, and it hurt, a lot. I just want the baby to be here, in my arms. I loved being pregnant, but it was annoying; physically and emotionally.

"What time is it?" Dr. Young asked.

"1:25am" A nurse said.

At that exact moment, I heard my baby boy's cry. Tears streamed from the sides of my face, going into my ears a little. My life has officially changed. It's no longer about me; it's about my child and his needs.

"He's so beautiful, Toni." Tamar cried.

I just wanna see my baby, damn.
---
"Happy Birthday, Denim." I smiled, looking at Denim in the crib. I've had chills from the epidural, and I couldn't really hold and bond with him like I planned.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Denim. Happy birthday to you." I sang. Denim must love his mama's voice, because he smiled for the first time.