How Could You?

Who are you?

"Mick..." Lindsey scoffed, shaking his head, as he moved away from Stevie, his back facing her. "Fucking Mick again, Stevie?"

"It could have been anyone at the time, Lindsey. I was a mess." She said, as if that was going to make things better.

"I really don't give a shit if I'm honest. What's important here is that you didn't tell me. You didn't reach out to me then and you didn't think it was necessary to talk to me about it during eight years of marriage." Disappointment was obvious in his voice. "What happened? And please, tell me the truth."

"T-the whole truth?" She asked and the look Lindsey gave her was enough of an answer. "After that night we spent together and we parted ways once again, I went on with my life as it was back then. Because I was a lot heavier than I had ever been, I didn't pay much attention to it. I didn't think about the other signs either, since the pills were clouding my mind. I'm not really sure what made me take the test, but I did and it was positive. You weren't really a part of my life, truly, at that time I thought all you wanted was to have sex with me and that's it. I had no information on how to contact you, not that I tried to search for it, so I called Mick. He was at my house right away." Stevie grew quiet for a minute, seeing Lindsey shaking his head at what he was hearing. "He and I pretty much lived together for months. Mick was... he was excited, he knew there was a chance the baby wasn't his, but he... he still hoped we could get back together and raise her."

"Her?" Lindsey asked, interrupting.

A small smile crossed Stevie's lips and she nodded. "Yes, a girl. I, on the other hand... I wanted her, I wasn't considering termination for a second, but I also knew that I wasn't fit to be a mother. I couldn't take care of myself. Caring for a child? That seemed impossible to me. I loved her, but she needed better parents. I wasn't going to give Mick false hope, because I had no feelings for him. I told him that I had decided to give the baby up for adoption." Her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked a little as she spoke, but Lindsey wasn't going to comfort her. "And I did. With some help, I found a lovely couple, who had no children of their own and they were more than excited to welcome Alice into their family."

"You chose the name, didn't you." It wasn't really a question, Lindsey looking over his shoulder to see Stevie give him a nod. 

"It wasn't a closed adoption, so I could reach out to them at any time or they could seek me out as well. And they did. Alice was over a year old, when Sheryl reappeared in my life. She and her husband, John, they got divorced. From what I know, he just left them and never looked back. Sheryl didn't have a job and she was having trouble finding one, she told me that she didn't have enough money to provide for Alice. She... she wanted, well, to give the child back to me." Stevie hated how it sounded, as if her daughter was a thing. 

"How could you not take her?" Lindsey was now looking her straight in the eyes. "How many times have we talked bout having kids? You always kept telling me you were waiting for the right time. I know you wanted to be a mother. What happened?" Lindsey was trying to keep his emotions in check, he didn't want to explode, before he knew the whole story.

"You and I had reconciled. We were back together for like a month and I was so happy. I was terrified of you leaving me again. I was a hundred percent sure that if I told you, I had a baby, who might be yours or Mick's and I gave her to other people to raise her... I knew you would have walked out on me right then and there, Lindsey. I wouldn't have been able to survive that..."

"So, you thought it would be better to keep quiet, carry this secret with you until we got married and hopefully, I would never find out? How could you, Stevie? When we got married, we tried for a baby... or did we? Were you lying to me? Were you on the pill the whole time?"

"I wasn't! I just couldn't get pregnant with your baby, Lindsey." Placing her hand over her heart Stevie told him honestly.

"Which means that Alice is Mick's, most likely."

"It doesn't." Stevie shook her head, seeing the sadness and hurt in his eyes. 

"Do you know, who the father is then?" Again, Stevie shook her head. "I can't believe that you've been lying to me for ten fucking years." The tone of his voice growing louder. "How is it telling me know better than back then? What, you thought I couldn't file for divorce now?" Stevie's heart sank at his words and she dropped her head low, unable to look at him. "What happened? If this woman came to you, saying she couldn't take care of the girl and you sent her away..."

"I, uh... I wrote Sheryl a check."

"Oh my God." Lindsey shook his head in disbelief. "You paid her off?!"

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Tell me the fucking truth, Stevie! Come to me and talk to me. Tell me that we might have a child together, who needs our help!" He yelled.

"Please, don't shout at me..."

"You don't get to ask me that. You don't get to ask me anything."

"I only did it, because I love you so much, Lindsey. I genuinely thought you would leave me. You were in my life then and Alice... she wasn't, besides that very first day, when she was born. Don't you think I was hurting, too? It wasn't easy to give her to someone else."

"How can you even say that?" Lindsey ignored the last two sentences, causing Stevie to keep quiet, there was nothing she could say to justify her actions. "Why are you telling me this now?" 

"Because..." Stevie trailed off.

"My patience is wearing thin, Stevie. Speak up." Lindsey said, his jaw clenched.

"Because Sheryl came back again. That's why I've been acting strange."

"You gave her another large sum of money to keep her mouth shut?"

"No. I just told her not to bother us. I don't know why she needed to see me again. Actually, to see you, she told me, she wants to speak with you."

"That's your daughter we're talking about here, Stevie. For all you know, she might be living on the streets and you don't care to know what's wrong?" Getting up on his feet, Lindsey began pacing around the room. "I don't even recognize you. You're not the woman I fell in love with, married... You're some cold hearted bitch."

Stevie was silently crying, his words cutting her deep, but she really couldn't be mad at him for saying what he did. 

"I need to get out of here. I can't even bear the thought of being near you at the moment." Lindsey's words were laced with disgust. "Tomorrow morning, you find that Sheryl and bring her here."

"Lindsey..."

"Tomorrow morning. If you don't want to know what's going on with your child, fine, but I do, because she might be mine as well." Before leaving, Lindsey lingered in the doorway for a minute longer. "I really don't know who you are right now..."