How Could You?

It should have been me

"Another one." Lindsey slurred, pushing an empty glass towards the bartender. 

"Are you sure about that?" The large man behind the bar, placed his hands down, leaning forward a little. "You've been here an hour and I doubt you could walk on your own anymore."

"Just... just pour me one more." Lindsey said, sighing heavily. 

An hour, give or take, passed. Lindsey struggled to maintain his balance on the high bar stool, as he sat, head in his hands, his mind surprisingly still working. He just couldn't stop. He was unable to stop thinking about the fact that he had a daughter. A daughter, whose thirteen years of life he had already missed out on. He wasn't supposed to be drinking himself blind. He was supposed to be happy and celebrate it, but how could he? Not after the way he found out. First, it was Stevie, the woman he had been in love with his whole life, lying to him. She never bothered to tell him she might have gotten pregnant with his child, she never told him that she gave birth to the girl and gave her away. Now Mick, someone Lindsey considered one of his best friend, admitting to having known the truth for all this time. He could try and try extremely hard to understand Stevie, but he would never understand Mick.

"It's about time you head home." The barman said, to which Lindsey grunted. "I'm calling you a car."

Lindsey didn't argue. He wasn't that stupid and reckless to drive himself. 

When Lindsey came home, he didn't think that Stevie might be sleeping, cursing loudly as he stumbled over the threshold, then shut the door with force. Taking off his leather jacket, Lindsey tossed it away, then attempted to take off his boots.

"Let me help." Stevie approached him, ignoring the strong smell of alcohol. 

"Get away from me." Lindsey snarled, pushing her aside. 

"You can't even stand up straight." She tried again, feeling Lindsey's hand push at her shoulder just like seconds ago. "I'm sorry, Lindsey..."

"Oh, shut the fuck up, will you." He managed to take the shoes off his feet, then walked past Stevie, gripping the railing, as he ascended the stairs. 

It wasn't that his words didn't affect her, Stevie just couldn't focus on that right now. Instead, she followed after Lindsey, seeing him make his way into the guest room, drunk or not. He was ready to close the door, when she put a hand up against it, stopping him. 

"We have a daughter together, Lindsey. Don't you want-"

"A daughter that you would have never told me about!" Lindsey shouted, whipping around abruptly. "If not Sheryl, I wouldn't even know I'm a father!"

"I know, Lindsey, I do and I hope you believe me when I say that I'm so very sorry. What's done is done." Stevie said lamely. "I wish we could move past that and focus on what's really important. You and I are parents to a beautiful young girl."

Slumping down on the bed, Lindsey scoffed, shaking his head. "What's done is done... Do you even hear yourself? Three other people were raising my daughter, when it should have been me from the start. I was supposed to get up in the middle of the night, when she cried to soothe her back to sleep, to get up early in the morning, so you could rest. I should have been reading her bedtime stories and checking under the bed for monsters, so she could rest easy. It was me, who had to teach her all the things she knows now... I've never wanted anything more than to have kids with you and you took that away from me." 

Stevie couldn't stand seeing Lindsey this way. He could get emotional, but she could probably count the times she'd seen him cry on one hand. It tore her heart to pieces seeing him in pain. 

Risking to be rejected once again, Stevie walked over to Lindsey, kneeling down in front of him, sitting on her heels, as she took his hands away from his face, holding them in hers. He hung his head low, hiding his tears. 

"I understand if you can never forgive me, Lindsey. I just want you to know that no matter what I love you with every bit of my heart. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for never telling you I was pregnant and giving Alice up for adoption. That's what I thought was best, truly, I did. I'm sorry that you didn't see her grow up. I'm sorry you weren't there for her, when you should and could have been. I'm sorry that you found out practically days ago and Mick... and Mick knew for all these years. I'm sorry." By the time she grew silent, Stevie was crying too. 

Stevie didn't expect what happened next. In one swift motion Lindsey had her off the floor and in his lap, showing her to straddle him, as his hands cupped her face, capturing her lips. She didn't question it. She had missed him so much in every way possible that she followed his lead, her nightgown quickly tossed away, his clothes off his body in a minute too. 

They didn't make love by any means. They had sex and it was desperate, and needy. It hurt, both physically and emotionally, but that release of pent up emotions and tension between them was exactly what they needed. 

Early the following morning, Stevie groaned, waking up. Her body was aching, but she wasn't complaining. She even allowed herself to smile a little, thinking about it. Despite the circumstances, it felt fantastic. It was wonderful to be reunited with Lindsey that way. 

Lindsey. Where is he, Stevie wondered, finding his side of the bed empty. Getting out of bed, she went around the end of it to grab her nightgown, which she pulled down over her head, then went to check the bathroom, however, she didn't find Lindsey there. She checked the bedroom just in case, finding it empty. Going downstairs and looking into the places Lindsey could be, she realized he wasn't home. 

Then where the hell was he?