Paper Moon

Chapter 20

(Edited)
I let him open the door. As soon as he did I pushed him out and relocked the door. "Halo, can you please open the door? I'll give you a pap tart!" "Wow bribing me with food, how cruel!" I mumbled and wiped more tears.

They think you're a freak, you know that right? No they don't. Do they? No. Then why did you run? I ran because I couldn't take the stares. If they kept looking then eventually they would think I was a freak. Well they wouldn't think I was a freak but they would look at me in a different way. I don't want that, I don't like change.

There was a soft knock on the door that pulled me from my thoughts. Thank God. "Halo, Halo its Rian. Can you open the door? It'll just be me, or who ever you want. I'll even get Frank, or Mikey over here." I sighed, they won't stop till I let one in. "Just you?" "Just me."

I hesitated a second before unlocking the door. I took a step back. The door opened slowly and Rian peeked his head in. He slowly walked in and closed the door. "Halo what's wrong?"
I shrugged. I feel like a freak.

"I didn't like them starring. I felt like a freak." Rian wrapped an arm around my shoulders and walked me to the balcony. "Halo no one thinks you're a freak. They all love you and were just.... surprised- no they just, they don't like to see you hurting. When you hurt they hurt, do you see what I'm getting at?" I shrugged. "I still feel like a freak though. I mean look what I did. Five months Rian."

"Five months what?" "I was clean for five months and now look." "Halo it's okay. We're not mad or gonna judge you because you slipped up a bit. Everyone does once in a while. Don't feel bad okay? You held out for five months, that's a long time." I nodded. Talking to Rian made me feel a little better.

"Want me to help you clean up a bit? Your bandages are-" "sure." We walked into the bathroom and he unwrapped my bandages. When he saw both arms I looked into his eyes. All I could see was hurt, but I didn't say anything.

"Halo, you know you can talk to me right? You can talk to any of us. Next time you feel like relapsing, or just feel down, come talk to me, or someone. This is going to sting a bit." He cleaned my arms and would apologize each time I flinched or hissed in pain.

After he wrapped them I pulled a hoodie on and gave Rian a hug which he quickly returned. "Are you okay to go out there?" I shrugged. "There's ice cream." "Let's go."

He laughed at my response and opened the door for me. It took a second and a glance at Rian before I walked out. I nervously chewed on my lip and pulled my sleeves over my hands, balling the extra fabric in my hands. I walked into the kitchen not making eye contact with anyone as they glanced my way before returning to their conversations. Not at the same time though, cause that would be creepy.

"What kind of ice cream do you want?" I shrugged and sat on the counter. "We have rocky road, cookies and cream, chocolate, vanilla, um..." why do we have so many ice cream flavors? "Which one?" I shrugged. "Want Rocky Road?" I nodded and he pulled out the tub then grabbed a bowl and spoon.

"Halo! What's up?" I shrugged. I don't really feel like talking, at all. "Are you okay?" I nodded and Jack gave me a look that said 'okay but I'm watching you,' while also saying, 'I'm trusting that you're telling me the truth.' He booped my nose then bounced off to join Zack and Alan in a conversation.

"Here you go Halo." Rian handed me the bowl and I barley mumbled a "thank you." It took a lot of effort becuase I wasn't really feeling it. "You're welcome" he smiled. I slid off the counter and sat at the table across from Dad and Austin.

I stared at the bowl of ice cream. I wanted to eat it, kinda. I didn't want to make the effort. "You know, that's gonna melt if you don't eat it." I shrugged at Austins comment. "What's wrong kiddo?" I shook my head no and picked up my spoon but only moved my ice cream around.

"You sure you're okay?" I nodded my head and finally brought the spoon up to eat but I didn't want to open my mouth. I sighed through my nose before standing up and putting the bowl back into the freezer. I'm really not feeling it today.

I went back into the room and closed the door, I didn't lock it though. I laid on the bed and starred at the ceiling. I didn't know what was wrong, but I just, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

As I continued to stare at the ceiling I heard the door open and looked to see Axel sit at the edge of the bed. "Halo, what's wrong?" I shook my head no. "There someone who wants to see you. She's at the bus, want to go?" Who would want to see me? I'm a failure.

"Come on Halo, Soph misses you." Oh, Sophie. I sighed and used all the strange I had left in me to walk myself to the door. I didn't talk with anyone, I just walked to the bus and went in.

Sophie ran to me and jumped on me. When she noticed I wasn't feeling it she walked next to me. I walked upstairs and she followed.

I sat with my back to the bunks and she sat on my lap. She nuzzled her head into my neck and I hugged her. Tears started to fall. Why do I feel this way? Last time I did, when I would be happy, I felt as if it was wrong. Like I wasn't aloud to be happy. I don't want to go through that again, I can't go though that again.

The bus door opened and I turned so the person couldn't see me and I couldn't see him. "Halo? Sweetie what's wrong?" I shrugged. I still didn't feel like talking.

The person walked closer and pulled me into their embrace. I cried. All I did was cry and it tired me out. The person who I now know as Dad, rocked me back and forth. Sophie stayed next to us as Dad let me cry. He mumbled sweet nothings to me for a bit before singing. His singing slowly lulled me to sleep, the fact that I was tired also helped.