Paper Moon

chapter 49

I woke up from a bad dream. Of course I did. "Are you okay Halo?" Alex asked as he ran his fingers gentally through my hair. "Y-yeah, I'm okay." I sat up and ran my hand through my hair. I felt tired, emotionally.

"You guys pumped for the show?!" Brendon ran into the room. He jumped onto the couch across from dad and me. "Oh sh- Brendon can you do me a favor? Bring me a pop-tart yeah?" Alex asked cutting himself off.

"Sure thing!!" Brendon jumped up and ran to the kitchen. "I forgot we have a show today, do you want to stay on the bus Halo? Actually, I don't think it's the best idea to leave you alone. Uh, do you want to sit on the stage while we play?" Dad asked.

I don't really want to be seen by anyone. "When does You Me At Six play?" I asked, an idea popping into my head. "Uh, they start the show, then it's Panic!, us, then Of Mice & Men play. Why?" He asked.

"Can I stay with Josh? He uh, knows what happened." I wasn't sure if he'd be okay with that. I looked up at him, he seemed deep in thought. Slowly but surely, he started to nod.

"Yeah, that can work. Do you want me to talk to Josh? Or do you want to?" I thought for a second. "Uh, I'll do it-" I was cut off by Brendon running in. "I brought the pop-tart!!" He waved the pop-tart around in the air.

I smiled a bit, he's an idiot. "Thanks Brendon." He handed dad the pop-tart before running out. Dad looked down at me and smiled. "Pop-tart my wonderful daughter?" He shook the pack in front of my face.

"Well if you insist..." He luaghed and opened the bag. He gave me one and ate the other one. "Thanks popsicle," I took a bite of the pop-tart and smiled at dad.

"Alex! It's our turn to do sound check, let's go." Jack ran into the back room. Dad looked down at me. "I'm gonna talk to Josh," I mumbled before getting up and leaving.

As I looked for Josh I started to feel the weight of everything. It was heavy and it hurt, a lot. I didn't even finish my pop-tart, I threw it away instead. Usually I would consider that a crime, but I just couldn't care right now.

I found Josh tunning his guitar in the back room downstiars. "I've been wasting all this time," Josh sang quietly. Give, I love that song.

It took me a second to finally push the words "Josh," out of my mouth. He stopped what he was doing at looked at me.

"Hey Halo, are you okay?" He asked. I luaghed a bit, "it's that noticeable?" Josh moved his guitar to the side and opened his arms for a hug.

I walked over and let him hold me for a minuet or two. I pulled away and sat next to him. "What's wrong?" Josh pulled me into a side hug.

I knew if I said anything I would burst into tears. I didnt want to though. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying.

After a few seconds, I answered. "Do you remember that night at the hotel? When we talked?" I asked, hoping he remembered. He thought for a second before nodding. "Yeah."

I took a deep breath before answering. "He, uh,-" I had to stop for a second. This is so much harder then I thought it would be.

"He escaped. He killed people...... becuase of me. I'm a murderer" I said, mumbling the last part. Tears raced down my face. Saying it made it so much more real.

"Hey, you are not a murderer okay? You were not the one who killed this people, he was. He's the one who's going back to jail, and he's the one who did the wrong thing. Where were you? With Sleeping With Sirens, so how could you have done anything wrong? Don't blame yourself for someone else's wrong actions." Josh wiped my tears.

"Can you stay with me? I mean while All Time Low does their set?" I asked. Josh nodded, "Yeah, I'll be right by your side." I smiled lightly and thanked him.

"Josh! Max is looking for you," Austin walked into the room eating a bagel. "Okay, tell him I'll be there in a second." Austin nodded and walked off.

"Do you want to come with me or?" Josh asked. I shook my head, "I'll be here, I need a minuet to think." Josh nodded and stood up, I'll be back in a few okay?" I have him a thumbs up before laying down in the couch.

After Josh left I pulled out my phone. I saw a missed face-time from Shayley. I smiled a bit to myself, I enjoy talking to him. I called Shayley back and let the camera face the ceiling.

After a few rings he answered.

"Hey Halo! What's up?" I could hear the smile on his face. "The ceiling, the sun, lots of things, why?" Shayley luaghed, "that's not what I ment but okay."

Alan walked in and grabbed my phone. "Shayley?" Alan asked surprised. "Alan? How are you dude?" Shayley seemed equally as surprised. They started to talk to each other about how they've been. I knew I wasn't gonna have my phone back for a little while.

I left the room and went back upstairs to grab my sweater. "Halo where are you going?" Dallon asked as he walked up the stairs with me. I shrugged, "just getting my sweater," I mumbled. Dallon stopped me, "are you okay?" I nodded and walked away. No one else needs to know.

I grabbed my drop dead sweater and pulled it over my head. I grabbed my black headphones before going to look for Alan. I wanted to listen to music for a bit.

I found him in the back room with Phil, Tino, and Austin. They were all talking to Shayley using my phone. I felt a little bad that I was gonna take my phone. They look so happy talking to their old band member. I decided against it.

I placed my headphones around my neck and fixed my hair. No point in carrying them everywhere.

I went back upstairs and sat in the backroom with Sophie. I didn't have my phone but that didn't mean I couldn't listen to music.

"What do you see, when you close your eyes? How do you feel, when you see it?" I sang quietly to myself. By quiet I mean you could only hear me if you were sitting next to me.

Sophie was laying on me. She's great company when you don't want to be around human beings.

I scratched the back of her ear and under her chin. She seemed to be enjoying it. I smiled a bit as I sang.
"Deep inside of all of us there's somthing left to hold. Even when we give up all hope, there's space enough to grow."

Even with everything that's going on I one I needed to smile. If I can't find a bit of happiness that means he won. So I'll be happy as much as I can. I know it's gonna hurt sometimes and I can't do anything about that, but what I can do is keep smiling. Who knows, maybe I will be happy.

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Hey guys, I'm so sorry I haven't updated. I wanted to get through a week of school before I did anything else. I should go back to my regular update schedule.

                               -oh_my_jinxx