Lovestrong.

I just gotta learn to keep swimming

*Ellie POV a month later*

I sat in silence on the hospital bed while, I fiddled with my fingers as always. My legs crossed and eyes wide open. I just took another MRI and I am scared out of my mind. My last MRI resulted to the doctors telling me that the cancer has spread. The medication I was taking doubled and my hair is falling out slowly. I have yet to shave it all off mainly because I do not have the heart to yet. 

I need Alex but, won't dare pick up the phone to talk to him. After his last visit he had told me what happened to his sister and I asked for him to stay with Sarah and look after her. He protested at first but then, I reminded him of his promise. The one where I would not come first but Sarah will. I know it sounds retarded but they need eachother right now. At times I could you use a bit company but I refuse to ask for it. Besides I'm a big girl I can handle myself.... alone in this room with doctors and nurses coming in and out of it to check up on me.

My mother comes comes and goes every once a week, my father tries to see me but every time he does I do not say a word. The program I go to everyday helps keep me occupied but, once I'm back into the room I have no idea what to do with myself.

I barely smile anymore. I NEVER eat. I can not even stay up anymore because I'm so sick of looking at this god damn room. Its plain white walls and sufficating tempeture.

I want to go outside. I want to feel the cold winter breeze hit my face again making it as red as a cherry. I want to taste the air again and be able to hold my tongue out when it snows to catch the snowflakes. I just want to be free again.

I remember the time my best friend Alice and I ran around Riverbank throwing snowballs at eachother and because of our horrible aim we caused war with strangers and the time we walked around the neighborhood park slipping and sliding on ice because we did not want to go home.

She can not be here with me right now. Alice is with her father somewhere in England. Even though she can not be here she always sends me text messages to check up on me and she motivates me to keep moving on. To keep calm.  For a while I can keep calm and smile and laugh and be crazy and let loose and be at my best but then again that is only for a while.

I pulled my knees up to my chin and rested my right cheek on them. Facing my head to the left were I can observe the only amazing object this room has to offer. A window. A window wide enough so I can see the sun rise above the apartment buildings and reflect on the clear glass windows. Were I can still see the snow fall and the wind move the branches.

I pushed myself out of bed and walked towards the window. My body weak but thats because I am not eating. I am shaking but that is because I am cold. Reaching out for the window I pressed hands on it feeling the cold glass against palms. Looking out the window I saw a parking lot full of cars and ambulences, next to the parking lot I see a street that cars drive back and fourth on. In between the street and parking lot lies a sidewalk. My eyes trailed up to the sky. The beautiful gray clouds threatening a storm. I hope it's snow.

"One day I'll fly away leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming...... ends" I mumbled the lyrics to One day I'll fly away from the moulin rouge. These lyrics mean so much to me. I feel caged and I want to leave but, I can't.

Tears began to swell up in my eyes as the thought of dying creeped into my mind once more. I closed the velvet curtains and sighed deeply to myself as I fought to stay strong and keep my sanity. The sanity I had already lost. Maybe sending Alex away was not the best idea but, he needs to keep an eye on his sister. Sarah got kicked in the chest for crying out loud. She needs him more than I do.

My head facing the floor as I turned away from the window. I ran my fingers through my hair. Which always seemed to calm me down. Holding out my hand I saw a large amount of my cartoon red hair tangled between the spaces of my fingers and finally I find myself once again coaching myself to stay sane that it will be okay. I will be okay. I will make it through this. I can make it but no matter how many times I chanted its okay I still freaked out.

Then, a knock appeared on the door. I looked

up in panic hoping that the person who has knocked would not realize that I am losing strength mentally and physically.

"Hi Elizabeth." nurse Carter said walking into the room with a tray of mashed potateos and some green shit. "Is everything okay?" she asked setting the tray on the bed.

Clearing my throat I forced out the biggest smile possible "Yeah. Of cousre." I said walking toward the bed. "Just a bit hungry." I spoke again smiling as if my life depended on it.

"Well if you need anything all you gotta do is hit that button everyone loves to press." she said smiling and walking towards the door.

"Okay thank you. Have a good day." I repsonded. Once nurse Carter left the room my smile disappeared. I consumed no more than two bites of the food and already could not eat anymore. In result I began to feel like I was just going to throw it all up so I gave up on eating it and finally went back to my normally routine... sleep.

I will be just fine I just gotta learn how to keep swimming.

Hey guys! I am so oh so very sorry for the short chapter. I just wanted to write an update on what Ellie is going through and how interupts her conflict. She is currently depressed. Which is normally for type of cancer she has. Faith will be coming into the story soon as well Alex. I just really hope you guys liked this chapter. Of course Stay Beautiful People!