Lovestrong.

The ballad of Faith

This chapter is in the point of view of Faith.

Today is the day. The day that all of my possession, my thoughts, my words, my feelings, my physical appearance will all become a memory. My life will just become an untold story. The girl that fought cancer never smiled and when she did she was with that red head. "The red head only felt bad for her." I can hear the others say to one another. "She is such a creep." the words that were so easily said but, with little thought.

I got out of bed to go use the bathroom. Forcing my legs to pick up enough strength to walk a foot away from the bed. Grabbing the bed railing for balance and taking baby steps as I walked. Still in pain and still suffering emotionally rather than physically.

My legs began to shake. I could feel my knees growing weak and suddenly I collapsed onto the floor hearing my bones crack. My head hit the floor hard enough to cause a thumping sound. I could hear my heart pumping harder forcing itself to work. I wanted to tell the little fighter to stop that it was no use.

I am weak.

Fragile.

And I just want to die. Doctor pull the plug. Doctor save my life from this dreadful pain we call cancer. Nobody will ever survive this. We will all die due to this mutation that has build inside us. No use in fighting. No use to taking medication. No use in going to the program. No use in therapy. No use in scientific experiences. THEY WILL ALL FAIL. As I will today.

I failed my mission and it was to beat cancer obviously. I guess that is okay. I've made a new mission a mission I can't fail. A mission I know I can complete. Seeing my mother for the first time. The mother I had killed before the doctors could dislocate me from her.

My father always told me that it was my fault she had died. That she was obsessed with having a child of her own. To do what her mother couldn't. Anthony, my father hated me because my mother wanted me though she knew either I or her would die. I wish it was me. Maybe my father would've loved me more. Cared a bit more.

He told me that me developing cancer was my mother's revenge. Kill her slowly. Let her suffer. He refused the treatment until my aunt scolded him for it. Then, they sent me to the hospital were I can fight this battle alone. Yet, alone die on my own.

So here I am laying on the floor dying and pleading on the inside. Smiling and faking on the outside. Bones still aching but heart still forcing me to get up and walk. I am weak. Fragile but God damn I don't need to be reminded.

I grabbed on to the bed railing trying to push myself up. My attempt was a fail and I knew it but I kept trying. I have to make it to the bathroom. I have to. Then, the door open and I can hear the nurses shows tap on the tiles of the room. Grabbing my waist she picked me up. As I screamed at her to put me back on the floor that I have to get to the bathroom I can do it on my own she laid me down on the bed and covered me.

The nurse ran to the other side of the room and grabbed a long tube and a bucket. Sticking the tip of the tube into my pee hole and attaching the rest of the tube to my leg. The tube fell into the bucket.

"You can pee in here. You're too weak to stand on your own. You got yourself all burised up sweetheart." The nurse said. The nurse had her hair tied up into a perfect bun and had a slim figure. 

"But I wanna go use the toilet nit a tube." I said

"Well your to weak."

"So give me a cane" I stated. "I don't need a tube in my fucking vagina just because I-"

Suddenly, a girl with a face like Ellie appeared at the door. Her hair cut off. That's not Ellie it can't be. The girl walked towards my bed and grabbed my hand.

"Hey Faither" She said. It was Ellie she was the only person that called me that.

"Ellie!" I shouted completely happy to see.

"Jesus you're so cold." she stated tears ready to pour out. No matter what she always kept a smile and I admired her for that. I wouldn't want to see her cry because of my death. I know I am dying today. I am too weak to continue to go own. The doctors have already stopped giving me medication.

"How you feeling?" she asked kneeling down so she can meet me eye to eye.

"Weak" I said.

"Do you think you can go on any longer because you can you just gotta fig-"

"No." I interrupted "I want to die. I don't wanna fight anymore. It's too much Ellie. I have given up a long time ago."

"Okay."

For hours we sat and talked not about me dying but about me my life and we talked about her. Though, at times she was hesitant to answer my many questions she seemed open. She told me tales about central park and the city lights that I barely ever see due to the angle of the building I am in. She told me about love and how it doesn't have to be between two people who are attracted to eachother. How you have to make sacrifices. How you must always be there for them no matter what. How to look past someones flaws.

At nine I felt myself slip away hearing nothing but Ellie's pleading for my life.  Pleading for me to stay. Her held back whisper.

Until finally.

"You can let go Faith. Let go."

So I did let go completely until all I felt was nothing.