Life with Franta

chapter 14

The girl looked at me. She was very petite. She had long dark red hair and it was curly. She had a lot of makeup on, more than most girls wear and she was wearing her pajamas which weren't really pajamas. Anyway, I stood there waiting for her to respond.

"Yes, this is her. Why the fuck are you hear?" I hear her comment.

"I would like to talk to you about something."

"You don't need to tell me anything. You're really creepy so please leave me and my friends alone." She barked. I sighed, leaning up against the post of the door wanting to just scream.

"Please, let me talk. I am not crazy. There are a lot of things I still need to figure out and I need your help." I begged.

"Sorry Mackenzie, I don't want your help. I don't want you near any of my friends. You're so fucking creepy you make me sick. How the fuck does one have a dream about her roommate having a relationship with her, to him being depressed and trying to kill himself. Her dead threatening to kill him and the boyfriend being gay. To him running away and the girl ending up being depressed. All of this comes down to because the boyfriend didn't want the girlfriend to find out he was on Youtube, which by the way nobody would act like that. Then, the boyfriend proposes to her over an interview, the boyfriend and his girlfriend move out with their friends to Los Angeles. The boyfriend is wanting to kill himself over again and then he goes to get treatment and then you fucking wake up and realize it was all a dream. What did you expect Mackenzie, that Connor would like you after all the shit you've put him through. What is this? You're fourth dream that has happened like that. No wonder he moved out. You're so fucking creepy and obsessed I really hope you're the one being stalked and trying to get killed by your father because you're fucking insane. I hope you're the one walking up to the roof of a building and jumping off the building and falling to your death. A lot of people would be happy if you were dead."

Acacia slammed the door in my face. I didn't cry. What she said was true. How the fuck do I keep messing up my life like this? How the fuck am I have crazy dreams like this? I really need to talk to Connor.

After all my classes, I decided to finish up my homework quick. All of a sudden my phone began to ring. It was a girl from my class. Her name was Lindsay. I'm pretty sure she was also in my dream, but I really don't want to involve her in any of this right now.

Lindsay sent me a link to a video that Connor supposedly made. The title was called "The Truth." I really didn't want to watch it anyway. He was probably going to make a video about how is creepy ass roommate was a girl and she had these creepy as dreams involving him being someone who he really wasn't.

I ignored the video and then called Connor. He didn't answer, of course. I don't know why I even still continue to talk to these people, let alone even go to school here. I must be a really fucked up person to keep having these dreams like these.

I had decided that I wasn't going to be going to this school anymore. I didn't need it right now. I needed to find help and wonder why I was being this crazy, and having these strange dreams that seem so realistic. I had called up my parents and told them I was going to come back home and explain them everything that had been going on. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was a terrible idea that I was sharing a room with a guy. That would only lead me to have crazy realistic dreams that woud fuck up my social life forever, possibly internally.

It took me a few hours to get my entire room packed. It didn't take that long since the entire room belonged to me and I didn't have to worry about packing up someone else's shit. Since my last move into Alice's room, everything was packed up mostly and it didn't take that long to get the rest packed.

Once I was finished packed, I decided to head out to Connor's dorm to find him and talk to him. I guess it was finally goodbye, but maybe it wasn't such a bad thing anyway. I wouldn't have to keep having these dreams. I knew we wouldn't be together anyway.

It took me ten minutes to walk to SJU since I obviously didn't have a car. I kept getting weird looks from all the guys once I stepped out, and began looking for Connor. Everyone was looking at me and whispering and I knew they were talking about how messed up and fucked up I am. It didnt matter anyway, these were going to be my last few weeks here anyway.

I tried to remember the room number that Connor told me the day he moved out. My head started to hurt. I hadn't eaten in hours and all I could think about was telling Connor how sorry I was.

Finally after searching for hours for Connor, I assumed he was probably at a party and I wouldn't be able to find him until tomorrow. I tried to call him, but there was no answer.

I sat on the nearest bench and put my head in my hands. I sighed hoping my life wasn't as messed up as I thought It was.

I could feel someone tapping me on the shoulder and it was probably someone trying to make fun of me, so I didn't look up.

"Mackenzie, what are you doing?" I heard his voice.

"What the fuck do you want? I had been trying to reach you the entire day!" I shouted.

"Have you seen the video I made?" Connor spoke softly. I looked up and I became angry.

"No! I haven't seen the video nor I want to. I know you think I am crazy. The whole school thinks I'm crazy Connor but I really don't fucking care what you guys think anymore because this is the last few weeks I am going to be attending at this fucking place." I got up from the bench and Connor pulled me back.

"Let me go!" I screamed.

"If you haven't seen the video then let me explain." He shouted back. I yanked away from him and started to stop away from him.

"Mackenzie!" He called back. I just stuck my middle finger out to him and walked away. I raced back into my room and that is when I finally gave a shit. I laid on my bed and began to scream and cry. How did I ever let it get this bad.

~

I didn't hear from him since then. I have only a few days until I finally leave this place and I go back to California where nobody knows how creepy I am. Maybe I will be alone. Maybe I'll just wait until my parents pick out a guy for me and I have a planned wedding. Maybe I will just live in my parents house forever and not associate with anyone who will try and give the slightest shit about me.

I have attachment problems and I can't help it.

Connor hasn't called me in weeks. I haven't heard from him since. Even the kids here never look at me anymore. It's as if nobody gives a shit about me anymore and everything seems to be normal.

I just can't wait to finally get out of here. Maybe I need this. Yes. This will be good for me. I just know it.