Life with Franta

chapter 23.

As I sat on the bed in the unfamiliar room I couldn't quite comprehend on how to act. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to cry, or if I was supposed to go after Daniel and tell him I was sorry and that he was right. To be quite honest, I wasn't sure how any of this was supposed to play out. Was I supposed to go back to Minnesota and apologize to Jc and Ricky for pretty much killing Connor, or was I supposed to stay here and try and build a new relationship with someone else? Clearly, I hadn't made up my mind

I sighed and leaned back onto the pillow. The room smelled like alcohol and drugs. I knew this because I glared across the room and saw a stack of weed and cociane sitting on a chair under a new article that was hanging from a wall. I had always wondered what type of person Daniel was. Maybe he ddin't know either. Maybe he didn't quite understand it either, who and how to be yourself. Maybe he was just like Connor and I. 

Connor and I were two very different yet similar people, and as much as I would like to say I saw any of this coming, I really didn't. I never had imagined any of this happened, why or how it happened, and why I had to go through all of this to finally figure out what I wanted to do/become. Why did it have to be so emotion? Why the hell did it have to involve a death of someone who seemed to be happy before I came to the college?

When I could finally be able to close my eyes and let the thoughts drift away, the door to room slams open, a drunk guy and girls comes barging in, not even noticing I was sitting there on the bed. As they continued to make out, I decided to get out of the room as fast as I could. If I needed to figure things out, I couldn't be here any longer. It was only going to make things worse.

I traveled down the hall. I was sure it was nearly after midnight by now and the party was still going on as usual. I was tempted to grab a bottle of beer and join a group of people but I knew that wouldn't solve my problems. Drinking would only solve the temporary headache that was coming my way, but by the next morning a hangover wouldn't be the only thing ringing in my mind. I didn't want anything else to fuck with my emotions right now.

I make my way out of the front door of the house. I wasn't sure why this had to happen. I wasn't sure why any of the bad things that has happened to me had to happen. I wasn't even sure why those dreams had to control my life. I knew that by getting away and moving back home could solve a minor problem, but Connor was in a mental state. A REAL STATE. Something I should have picked up from the beginning. 

"You need a ride?" I hear someone's voice behind me. It was familiar. Of course it was, it was Daniel. 

I snap my head around. He was holding a beer in his hand, but I knew he wasn't drinking it to begin with. I know him, he doesn't drink. He only carries it around to pretend he was drinking it. How could a person who is into news and media and does drugs, yet doesn't drink? My head couldn't wrap around the nonsense. 

"No, I'm good." I bite the skin on my bottom lips. I can already taste the blood from my dried out lips.

"Look, I'm sorry for everything I had said earlier. But I do care about you, and whether or not you just want to talk to me because you feel somewhat safe for a while, I can allow myself to give you that even if you can't give me what I want."

He's leaning up against the wall. You can't give me what I want.  What did he want?

"I accept your apology, but I really need to go. I shouldn't be here. I need get some rest for tomorrow morning before I see the chancellor." I say and move my way out the front door.

By now it's nearly one in the morning and the house was dying down pretty fast. Nearly everyone was almost out of the house and the streets were almost empty except for a few cars across the street that belonged to some people who were crashing the night. I wasn't really sure how I was going to get home. Hunter was no where to be found and I wasn't sure my way back. But I knew finding my way back was betting than taking a ride from Daniel.