Life with Franta

chapter 22.

"M-Mackenzie?" I hear my named being stuttered in front of me.

I quickly wipe away my tears and adjust me shirt and look at me feet towards the ground. I really didn't expect him to show up let alone see me like this, I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I bite down on my lip so it causes me to not say something so stupid. A part of me wants to cuss him out and yell at him for leading me on and making me feel like there was a good guy out there, but another part of me wanted to hug him and cry into his arms. My best friend was dead, all of my friends back home don't want anything to do with me and it was my fault. Another part of me wanted to let him explain himself...so I let him.

"Daniel, what are you doing here?" I question.

"I could ask you the same thing, but I see you have more important things you're doing then waiting inside in a warm house and outside sitting in the middle of a frat house lawn crying....why are you crying?" He questions. Some how his voice isn't so sincere like I had hoped to but what did I expect? For him to just grab me and tell me everything is okay. He was merely a friend, someone that I had met in class a few times. 

I wipe more of my tears away but the more that I think about what is actually happening, the more I get frightened and I begin to cry again.

"I think you should go" I whisper. He leans in and scrunches his face.

"Why should I go? I came here to see you Mackenzie...and if something is wrong I would love to know what it is, Did someone hurt you?" his voice becomes stern an strong and somewhat scary for the situation I was in. Hearing Jc scream over the phone was one thing, but hearing someone scream at you face to face was another, it made me cry even more. Why do I cry so much?

I try and walk away but he yanks on my arm. I want to bark at him and tell him to go away, but another part of me wants to tell him. There's nobody that I can talk about this too except my roommate, and right now she's getting drunk and doing body shots off of people. 

He pulls me in towards him and he grabs my hand and leads me to a small patch of grass and sits down. I oblige and sit next to him and cross my arms. It was getting a little cold and chilly outside, but it wasn't too bad. I can hear my own teeth chatter underneath me, but Daniel doesn't say anything about it. I don't expect him too.

"What are you doing here?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"I would ask you the same thing. I thought you would be in your room like always grieving about whatever the hell you always grieve about." His tone is harsh but I'm used to it. I was used to people not being nice to me over a long period of time.

"I don't want to answer that."

"You have got to talk sometime," he says and rests his elbows on his knees. He turns to face me and there is this look of desperation and hurt in his eyes that I'm not sure what to think of it. I had never talked to anyone except for my roommate about Connor, so why was he assuming I was grieving about something.

"I don't grieve, I just have a lot on my mind. And besides, I came here because Hunter said you wanted me to be here with you. I thought it would be nice to hangout with someone that didn't judge me all the time." I snap and he laughs. I want to reach over there and slap my hand across his face, but I'm too hurt right now. 

The more I want to keep thinking about Daniel inside of Connor, my mind always travels back to Connor and I can't help it. Now that he was gone I can't stop blaming myself and the way I talked to him. We left on a bad note and now's he's gone, I won't be able to fix the mess that I'm in. I want to try and move on and be a happy person like all of my friends are doing....but they aren't. They aren't my friends and they aren't having fun. They are sitting in their rooms grieving just like Daniel says I am, and I'm guessing he was right. I am grieving.