Loving a Princess

15. It was something else.

My body was drained out, and I was extremely exhausted, both physically, and mentally. Yet, as much as I tried to sleep, I simply couldn't. The events of the day kept on replaying on my head. And now, tomorrow I had to go to the police station. I had left my own country so I could live life like a normal girl, yet here I was, in this foreign country, about to receive police cover every time I go anywhere alone.

And somehow, today's events just made me realise that no matter what, or where I am, my family's status would always pose as a threat to our lives. Because of it, I lost almost my entire family, except for my parents and three younger siblings. Because of it, I almost got abducted, had it not have been for Farshad saving me, and my dad would have had to pay a massive amount of ransom for me. And only Allah knows what other damage could be done in the future.

Apart from such thoughts keeping me awake, my heart ached with an unknown, foreign emotion. An emotion towards Farshad. After today's events, I realised that I didn't simply just like Farshad, as I had over the past three years. No, I didn't just like him. What I felt towards him was so intense that my heart ached, feeling it. What was this?

To begin with, when I was insisting that I wouldn't go with Farshad initially, because it was Islamically inappropriate, he had said to me "I have my principles as a Muslim". Which meant he was pious. And then, for as long as he was in my presence, although I myself had my gaze lowered, I couldn't feel his eyes on me. Normally, I could always sense it when someone looked at me, even if I wasn't looking at them. Which meant, Farshad too, had lowered his gaze in front of me. And then, the way he explained everything to me. He did the job of helping the police force voluntarily. Here, this guy was studying and already had so much on his plate. Since I was also studying engineering like him, I knew how difficult it was, yet he had volunteered as a secret agent. This was, without a doubt, a virtuous deed, because through it, he would have saved lives and saved people from harm, just like he managed to save me and my family from a lot of trouble. And he did it all in memory of his late father. And he said that even if he wasn't an agent or if I wasn't his sister's best friend, as a Muslim, it was his responsibility to save me since he knew I was in trouble.

All along, I liked Farshad because, well, I had an infatuation with him. So for three years, I simply liked him, feeling that I'll get over him soon. But today, after actually getting to be with Farshad, I got to learn a lot about him as a person, as a Muslim. And now, the aching sensation in my heart that I felt towards this guy was certainly not just a liking. It was something else. What was it? A sudden fear rose through me, making my chest constrict. Was I...was I, by any chance, in...love? Had I begun to love Farshad? Could it be possible?

I didn't know. I was lost and confused. I knew that I hadn't done anything haraam with Farshad, but still, it didn't feel like something I would do. Besides, never in my life of 22 years had I ever imagined being in love. Was it really love though? What if I misunderstood?

I pushed those thoughts away. I didn't know why I was thinking about it all. Because whatever the case was, Farshad didn't feel the same way. I was sure of that. So why should I bother myself thinking about all that and torturing my brain, when I clearly had better things to focus on?

Firstly, I had my religion and piety to worry about. I had to keep my feelings under control because I should never transgress because of them. Secondly, I was in my second-last year of university, and I couldn't let these feelings interfere with me graduating as an engineer. Thirdly, as of now, I had my security to worry about, speaking of which, I had to go to the police station tomorrow, hence I should have been sleeping instead of thinking about all these things that just jumbled my brain up.

Praying to Allah for khayr in every way and everything, I finally managed to fall asleep.

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