I'm Not Insane (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 5 - Trust

We do keep it a secret. In fact, we don't speak on the subject. Instead, if I ever have another nightmare - which happens almost every night - Asher crawls into bed with me and we sleep like that for the rest of the night. It's an unspoken agreement, and I'm glad. If I had needed to ask him, I don't think I could have.

Even after living with him for two weeks, I'm still sometimes awkward around him. He's still the first person I've really talked to in twelve years, after all. It's going to take some getting used to.

One day, I happen to catch him talking with Doctor Wilson, though.

"So, how is he so far?" Someone's voice breaks through my sleep, making my ears perk up a bit.

"He's doing well. He hasn't had an episode in a week, too."

"Excellent. It seems that the new medication we put in his food is doing well. Are the nightmares continuing?" He asks.

"Yes, Sir. Are you sure they're okay? He's really hurting. They're about his family," Asher's voice is now filled with concern, making my heart strangely flip. 

What was that? And why are they talking about me like this? Well, I guess Asher will have to talk with Doctor Wilson on a regular basis, seeing as he's taking care of me, but why behind my back like this? And what did they mean by my nightmares being 'okay'? They're never going to be okay.

"Yes, Asher. Don't worry, it's all a part of the process. He'll be fine soon. Remember, the moment he wakes up from a nightmare, you attach the medication patch to his neck, alright? Have you been doing so?"

"Yes, Sir. Every time right after a nightmare. He doesn't seem to notice, but it's helping set in the effects of the nightmare."

I loose my control, letting a small gasp escape my lips. They stop talking, opening the door now. I close my eyes again, pretending to sleep again. My brain starts to search through every time Asher comes into bed with me after I have a nightmare. That first night last week, I felt a light pressure on my neck. That must've been it, but why? What's the point?

These thoughts whirl in my head, but I keep my face expressionless and peaceful, trying to pull of the illusion that I'm still sleeping.

"He's still sleeping," Asher sighs, leaving the door open.

"Good. He needs sleep. You know, Asher, he seems to be more docile with you around. It's excellent. If we continue this, we might be able to move on to the next stage early."

Next stage? Does that mean I can be free? I can go back home?! 

"Cool. Um, I need to go, Sir. Sorry. I will talk to you next week," Asher says, before walking inside the cell and closing the door.

He sighs, before walking over to the bathroom, I assume, closing the door. I pop my eyes open, my breathing slightly irregular. What did they mean by next stage?

I start to feel all around my neck until I feel it: a small square patch, that sends tingles down my spine when I touch it. What is it? Is it supposed to help me sleep? If so, then why didn't Asher give me them before I had my nightmares? Wouldn't that be easier and cause me less pain? 

The door opens again, and Asher gasps softly.

"Oh! You're up. Did you sleep okay? Anymore nightmares after the usual one?" 

"I slept okay, and no, no more nightmares," I mumble, looking down.

"Good. Do you want to maybe head outside today? We can ask to go to the institution's park if you want," Asher offers, walking over and sitting down on his bed.

I almost glare up at him, instead giving him a curious look. How can he be so calm and act like he didn't just talk to the doctor about me behind my back. How can he just sit around and let me have nightmares and drug me basically, then happily suggest we go do something?

"I don't want to go out today," I tell him, laying down and turning away from him, facing the wall my bed is pushed up against.

"Oh, okay. Are you feeling bad or something, or maybe something else...?" 

I hear him get off the bed, and feel his large presence behind me. 

"I'm fine, just a bit tired. Go. Go do whatever," I mumble, trying to keep the venom out of my voice.

"Um, okay. I'll be back in a bit, okay? You just rest. Maybe I can have Dr. Wilson come in and check you."

"No. Just...," I pause to sigh heavily, curling my blankets around me tighter. "Go do what you need to do. Don't worry about me."

"I have to worry about you, though. That's my job as your helper and friend."

I flinch when he calls himself a friend. Are we really friends? I don't know if I can trust him anymore. It seems he's keeping a lot more from me than I ever imagined. I've never really even had a friend, either. Maybe when I was little, but all those memories are fuzzy and contorted in my mind. 

And I thought friends were truthful. I thought they helped, and comforted, and never kept things hidden from each other. Isn't that what a friend is? Sure, Asher is nice and he does comfort and help me, but he's also been keeping things from me that involve me. He also sometimes bosses me around, though it's not mean. 

"Like I said before, I'll be back in a little, okay?"

I nod, the sound of the mattress cover rubbing against my hair echoing through the silent room. I never knew that sound could be so loud to me...

The cell door shuts, and I sigh, sitting up. Why am I feeling like this? Hurt. Is it because after all these years, after not having human interaction, my first real acquaintance here just happens to be hiding stuff from me? Is it because he didn't really look into why I am so upset? Or... is it because I'm actually starting to consider him more than just some random guy I live with. Is it possible I've been thinking of him as a friend? 

I sigh, falling back again. My thoughts begin to drift, and they go places. From my family, to my constant and re-occurring nightmare, to Asher, to Doctor Wilson, to just abstract thoughts.

Warning. Slight suicidal thinking. Not really the actual wanting to do it, but just thoughts.

If I were to stick my head in the toilet bowl, and let it sit there, what would I feel? Would I feel peace? Pain? How would if feel to inhale the water? Would it rinse my soul, my brain, my heart, of all this darkness? 

Okay, it's good now! 

Could I actually be free for once? No. I'll never be free... I'll never be at peace. No matter what, I'll still be trapped here. They're keep me here until I die, and still, my body will rest her with thousands more. I'll become a forgotten body. Just another sick person. My existence will crumble to ash and no one will be there to notice. 

I'm an insane. We're never allowed to have a happy existence. We're only allowed pain and isolation.

I'll never be happy. Ever. 

Okay, wow, Ry, that's some deep stuff...lol. I'm finally starting to thicken up the plot a bit, and I'm excited! I'm TRYING to slow things down a bit with Ryan and Asher, but it's kinda hard seeing as I get carried away when I write. Plus, it would make sense for them to be at least a lot closer than normal sorta-friends. They DO live together, spend almost all their time together, and sleep together half the night. It would make sense if they DID have a closer bond sooner in the book, but don't worry, I'm not planning on ending this ANY time soon.

QUESTION TIME: What's your favorite ice cream flavor, or do you even like ice cream?

My Answer: Yes, I do like ice cream, and I would choose between cookie dough, cake batter, vanilla, or mint chocolate chip. Hmm, I'd say cake batter first, then vanilla, then cookie dough. Yeah...

Lol

Comment, vote, and share plz!

-Mel