I'm Not Insane (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 17 - Useless

"How did this happen? I've lived there for so long! I even worked in town! How did I get found out so suddenly?" Rosaline asks for the millionth time, her voice strained with frustration. 

Her grip on the steering wheel is extremely hard, so hard her knuckles white. Kano and I remain silent, letting her get her frustrations out, but I'm wondering the same thing.

Why now? Why, after all this time of living here, would Rosaline suddenly be discovered? What's worse, is that it happened not even a full two days after Kano and I arrived. 

Dread starts to form in my stomach, making me feel sick. What if this was my fault? Could it be that I'm somehow leading them to us? How, though?

"Rosaline..." I whisper, feeling the need to tell her what I'm worrying about.

If this is my fault, then I need their help so I can either leave them, or they help me get rid of whatever is tracking us. 

"Yes, Ryan?"

"I think...," I gulp, closing my eyes for a second, before continuing. "I think I led them to us."

She tenses up front, and so does Kano. Guilt swirls in my stomach, mixing with the dread. 

"Why would you think that, Ryan?" Kano asks, flipping around in his seat to look at me.

"It just doesn't seem right. As soon as Kano and I arrive, you're found out. Kano couldn't have done anything, seeing as he's never been near the government, but I have. I only recently escaped three days ago. What if they put a tracker on me or something? I mean, when I escaped, once I made it outside, no one tried to stop me. They turned on the gate, sure, but no one actually attempted stopping me after that. 

"I thought that maybe it was because I killed everyone, but then how were they able to close the gate? I think they knew about you, only because they noticed you while following me."

Rosaline's silent, her hands clenching and unclenching around the steering wheel. Then, she suddenly gasps, making me jump slightly. She pulls over abruptly, haphazardly parking under the cover of the trees.

She turns around in her seat, staring at me with a new urgency. "Do you still have a patch on from your last dose of medicine?"

"A patch? Yeah, why?" 

I completely forgot that I left my patch on, but I thought that it didn't matter; I thought that it was only used for administering one of the meds, and it ran out of meds.

"Take it off."

"Why...?"

Her eyes widen. "Didn't you know that those are also trackers? Even if the medicine has already run out, it's a tracking device as well. No wonder they didn't follow you out! They knew they could catch you at any given moment! Take it off, run out with it, leave it somewhere, and haul your ass back so we can drive away. Got it?"

I nod quickly, feeling sick. I did this. This is my fault. Now we're homeless, on the run once again.  Both of them don't look at me like it's my fault, but I know they're thinking it. If I was still in the hospital, they could both be living happily and without worry. Now, I'm putting them in danger, and this whole time, I've been leading the government straight towards us. 

I quickly rip off the patch, hopping out of the car and breaking into a sprint. A single tear makes its way down my face, before I'm crying as I run. I feel so guilty. I drove Rosaline out of her home, I put her and Kano in danger,  and I basically made Kano take care of me like I'm a child. I'm nothing but a nuisance to them, and I don't think they appreciate it. 

I've always been a nuisance, haven't I? To my family for being a Special, to Asher, to the government, to Kano and Rosaline, and to myself. 

To think I could ever be valuable or independent is stupid. I'll never me anything more than a inexperienced child who happens to have an ability.

Something catches my foot while I run, and I end up falling, hitting my previous injuries from my last fall. I whimper out in pain, feeling more tears fall down my face. The patch remains in my palm, and I clench it up in my fist, letting out a sob.

I'm so weak. Pathetic. A weak child who doesn't know how to live on its own. I always need someone to take care of me, to make sure I don't endanger others with my stupid mistakes. If I were to just stay here until the government comes and gets me, Kano and Rosaline could flee. Then I won't feel so useless.

By now, the pain is nothing but a dull throb, but the pain in my heart is worse. 

"Ryan? Come on, we have to go! They'll catch up with us soon if we don't get out of town," I hear Kano's voice call out from behind me.

Something crunches, then I hear branches being parted. "Ryan?"

"Go."

"What?" He asks, coming over and kneeling in front of me.

"Leave. It's better if you both leave me here to suffer. I'm useless, anyways," I mumble, sniffling a bit at the end.

"Ryan, we're not going to leave you. You're already this far. Come on; get up and leave the patch. We have to hurry before they catch up with us."

Kano pulls me up, taking the patch from me and tossing it to the ground. He starts to drag me back to the car, where Rosaline waits, nervously scanning the forest.

"Come on, guys; I can sense them bringing a Special. A tracker. We have to go," Rosaline calls.

Kano puts me in the back, before joining Rosaline in the front again. As soon as we're both good to go, Rosaline slams on the gas, swerving back onto the road, before speeding away.

I remain silent, thinking over Kano's words. They won't leave me behind. If they don't, then that means I have to change. Stop feeling sorry for myself and worthless, and start being of use to the team.

Then I won't be useless. I'll be useful.

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! Since I started summer, I've been reading a lot more (as if I didn't read enough) and then I realized I haven't updated at all. Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Well, I hope this is good enough. I'm really struggling with over-all pace, and I feel like I'm not making things interesting enough. Please, help me improve in any way possible! I need the help! And if you want something to happen, I'm taking suggestions! I just need little things to happen in between bigger plot points. That's my struggle; it always has been.

-Mel