I'm Not Insane (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 16 - We Can Never Come Back Here

After sitting around, letting my thoughts run free, I get up, walking upstairs to my room. Kano's bedroom door is still closed, and I let him be. 

Fatigue begins to really hit me full force. Not once have I really gotten a good night's rest these past two days. Last night, I was kept awake by my lucid dreams. Now, though, I can barely keep my eyes open as I crawl into my bed. 

The moment my head hits the pillow, I black out, enjoying a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

BANG

Jolting awake, I sit up, frantically looking around. What was that? 

Something crashes downstairs, and then someone cusses, but it doesn't sound like Kano. It sounds female. Rosaline must be back, but what is she doing downstairs?

My eyes feel heavy and my mind is still a little foggy from sleep. I end up laying down again, since I don't hear anymore noises after that. She probably dropped something on accident.

My mind starts to drift again. It feels strange, really. To already have two people around me. It almost feels like I'm betraying Asher somehow, but that's not possible. I would never betray him, and besides, he's dead...

I don't ever want Kano or Rosaline to replace Asher, but I want to be close to them. We all need each other to survive, and we all have so much in common: we're all Specials, we were all alone, we're all running from the government, and we all need each other.

I really do hope that I can be close to them, but I'm still new to trusting people fully, and whatever progress I made, is all confused and murky. It's as if I want to trust them completely, but something is stopping me from doing so: my brain. My brain tells me that I shouldn't trust so easily, but my heart tells me I should. It's a constant battle in my body, and it's ended up with me hurting so many people. 

Now I'm here. I can trust, but my brain's still stopping me. I'm trying to please both my heart and my brain, but it's hard. My heart tends to lead me to trust these two way too easily, and my brain is protesting.

I just bring up an image of Asher in my mind, and my walls come up, but they crumble to ash the moment I talk with the two in this house. It's confusing, when it shouldn't be. I shouldn't be so conflicting. What am I supposed to do? Trust them? Or use them as means of staying alive, no more, no less?

My thoughts begin to grow sluggish and random, ending up with me thinking about cats driving cars made of graham crackers. 

I wonder if the cats evolved to have hands? Or are they paws just like human hands? How do they reach the gas pedal and brake? Are the cars made for them? What flavor cracker are the cars made out of? Do graham crackers even have different flavors? I don't think they do...

Hmm, I wonder if that's a thing now? Do they have cat friendly graham crackers? I bet the cats have to go to a driving school too. Are their-

BOOM

My thoughts shatter, and suddenly I'm being shaken by hands. My eyes pop open and I'm met with two fiery-brown ones.

"Ka-"

"Ryan, get up. Now," Kano says quickly, throwing the sheets of me, and grabbing my few items I splayed out in the room.

"Kano, what's going o-" I start, getting out of bed.

"They found us. More specifically, they found Rosaline. She's in the car right now. We need to leave. Now."

Shock strikes through my body, leaving me frozen. They found us? Already? I haven't even been gone for a full three days! If they find us with Rosaline, I'll be sent back to the hospital, and Kano would be as well, so he can be brainwashed as well and be used as a weapon.

"Ryan!" Kano shouts, gripping my shoulders tightly and shaking me again. "You have to get moving. They're already here! I will leave you here; I'm not risking myself for you," Kano tells me.

I snap out of it, stuffing the items Kano gathered into my bag. I'm glad I didn't really unpack. Kano runs over to my window, a bag on his shoulder. He opens it, before turning back to me, rushing over and locking my bedroom door. "That should give us a bit more time."

"Are we going out-"

"The window? Yeah."

He climbs out, jumping down and landing with a soft thud. Panic rises up in my chest. What if I get hurt? What's going on? We just got here, and we're already being forced to flee. I feel almost at fault. If only I never escaped. Maybe...maybe it would've been better to just get brainwashed and not feel anymore. Emotions hurt. They claw at my brain, and overwhelm my heart, making my insides clash together with a flurry of chemicals sending different signals to my already confused brain. I wish those chemicals would just stop flowing. If they did, I wouldn't feel anything, and I wouldn't feel so torn.

The door suddenly starts to rattle harshly, straining against the frame. Wood starts to splinter, and in a panic, I run to the window, and end up falling out of it. I brace for the harsh embrace of the hard ground, but it never comes. Instead, I'm caught by a pair of arms. My eyes are closed from my fall, and I can almost imagine someone else holding me close, but when I open my eyes, I see Kano looking down at me.

Shouts fill the once silent clearing, and we hurry to the trees, where a faint path leads to a seemingly often-used dirt road. A car sits on it, and Kano dumps me into the back of it, before jumping in the front.

"Good, you made it. I was worried I would have to just make a run for it without you two. That wouldn't have been very good," Rosaline says, before driving down the path.

We hit multiple bumps that end up tossing me around in the back.

"Where are we headed?" Kano asks.

"I don't know, but I do know one thing; we can never come back here," Rosaline replies grimly.

I scramble to look back at the fading view of the house, and I make out people in black suits running out of the house, looking around. No one sees us, and I'm glad.

I turn back around, buckling in this time. I really don't want to become a rag doll. My heart is beating fast, and the silence only makes it sound louder.

Rosaline's words still echo in my head, though.

We can never come back here.

Like I said, this chapter is late. It's because I couldn't figure out how to get out of the corner I got myself in, but I did! Sorry if it's kinda crappy...

Anyway! Since it's summer vacation for me now, I can write a lot more, BUT, I'm actually changing the update schedule. 

I will now be updating these days:

Thursdays

Sundays

This is because I'm failing to write good enough chapters on time now that my stock-pile of chapters is gone. I'm feeling pressured, and that's not good. So, yeah. Updates will be less often, but it might change AGAIN. I'm so inconsistent...

Lol

-Mel