Marriage with Benefits - COMPLETED

62: Reconciliation

Alyx's POV

I woke up with a familiar scent. Familiar rush of breathe. Familiar warmness. Familiar comfortability. Because I was inside Mikko's arms. My head buried on his chest. He's holding me like how he used to. He's holding me like it's where I belong. Damn it! Gusto ko syang itulak palayo pero wala akong lakas. And admit it self, it calms you. Parang kagaya lang ng dati,when Mikko's holding me nagiging ok ang lahat.

Nandito pa rin kami sa cemetery. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nakatulog.

I look up at him and he's smiling down at me.

Shit! Gising sya.

'Hi?' he whispers.

Ayokong gumalaw. I miss his warmth. And I felt so weak,dahil na rin siguro sa pag-iyak ko. Sa halip na kumalas na yakap nya,I slump my head back to his chest. And I felt him tighten his embrace.

Darkness at too much silence frightens me before. Pero hindi sa pagkakataong ito. Hindi na kasama ko si Mikko dahil alam kong safe ako.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso nya.

'Calm down.' bulong ko.

'Ha?'

'Kalmahin mo lang. Yung puso mo maghuhurimintado.'

'Hahahhaha. Kasalanan mo yan. Haha.'

That laugh! I miss the sound of that laugh.

'Mikko,why are you doing this?'

'Hugging you?'

'Yes. And everything. Why are you working so hard to win me back?'

'Can I see you? Mag-usap tayo ng maayos. I want---'

'No.' because I can't. Baka mamaya pag nakita ko yang mga mata mo,kung ano-ano na naman ang maramdaman ko.

'Ok. Ok. I understand. Alyx your my wife. And you should be here with me. Yung ganito tayo. Kagaya ng dati. And I am the worst version of myself without you. Sawang-sawa na ko sa sakit ang lungkot na alam kong ikaw lang ang makaka-alis.'

'Nakipag-date ka ba nung wala ako?

'No. Never.'

'Ako,yes!' I felt his while body stiffens and his heartbeat doubled it's speed.

'Ahh--'

'But no one ever compared to that level of sincerity and comfortability when I'm with you.'

'Baby?' he kisses my head. And I needed to closed my eyes with it's gentleness.

'Mikko,I never forgotten you. Never in a single second of that past 3 years.'

'Same baby. Same.'

'Pero sa tuwing naaalala kita nasasaktan ako.'

He took in a deep breathe without saying anything.

'Alam mo yung araw-araw gusto kitang makita pero at the same time ayoko rin. Kasi alam ko,I'll break down. Kasi alam ko once I laid my eyes on you. Everything will come crashing back to me. Kaya na din siguro nag walkout ako nung first meeting naten.'

'I followed you. You were crying hard nung naabutan kita. Hindi na kita nilapitan kasi baka lalong lumala ang sitwasyon.'

'Ahhh--'

'Hanggang ngayon natatakot pa rin ako kapag lalapitan kita. Natatakot ako sa mga sasabihin mo. Natatakot ako sa mga pwedemong gawin. Pero wala naman akong magagawa e. Tinatanggap ko na lang. Ito na ang punishment ko sa lahat. At kahit paulit-ulit mo kong ipagtabuyan hindi ako susuko. Hindi ako titigil hanggang patawarin mo ko ulit.'

'Pano kung hindi ko na talaga kaya?'

'I know you baby. I know your heart. And I know you're capable of forgiveness. Kung hindi man ngayon alam ko darating din yun.'

'Hindi ka susuko? Maghihintay ka?'

'Kahit kelan Alyx.'

'OK.'

'Hmm?'

'PINAPATAWAD NA KITA!' i look up at him and his glaring at me. 'OMG Mikko. Wag mo kong tingnan ng ganyan.'

'I'm sorry baby. Did I hear it right?'

'Para sa peace of mind nating dalawa. Para sa peace of mind ng anak natin. Narealize ko lang, hindi sya matutuwa namakiga tayong nag-aaway. Kung nasan man sya ngayon for sure,nakatingin sya saten at pinapanood tayo. Ayoko lang isipin ng anak ko na masamang tao ang daddy nya kaya hindi ko sya mapatawad. Pero hindi naman talaga. Mabuti kang tao Mikko. At sorry din sa lahat.'

Hindi sya sumagot. I just let him hold me like this. He kisses my head,feeling his heartbeat.

'Pwede naman tayong magsimula ulit diba? Friends?'

He stares at me. That look of disapointnent is too visible.

I slightly pushed hin para makawala sa yakap nya. Tumayo ako at inayos ang sarili ko. He follows.

'Mikko,I can't give you want you want.' bulong ko habang nakatingin sa baba.

'NOT now or NOT never?'

'N-not now, I think!' I look up at him and I watched how his lip twitched up with a smile.

'Ok. I understand.'

I don't want to give him false hopes. Pero ayoko ding ipagkait sakanya yung katiting na pag-asang nararamdam ko dito sa puso ko.

'Friends?'

'Friends for now.'

I roll my eyes at him.

'You know what,maybe it's better this way. We doesn't even passed this kind of relationship. We barely know each ither when we got married. Friendship will always be the best foundation of every relationship right? So let's be friends. I'll wait.'

I smiled at him. He's happy. He can't hide it with his smile. With his voice. With his eyes.

Napalingon ako sa tomb stone sa paanan namin.

I know wherever his mother is. Wherever our child is. Masaya sila. Masaya sila na naka-ngiti si Mikko ngayon. At masaya sila na kahit paano gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Gumaan yung bigat na nararamdaman ko dito sa loob ko.