Hello Sergeant (Bucky Barnes)

Close call

Sarah's POV

A strange noise coming from the living room woke me. I looked over at Steve, who was soundly asleep with his arms around me. I knew from experience that it would take a lot to wake him when he let himself crash like this after returning from such a long stint in the field. I laid there a moment, trying to determine if James was just getting up to get a drink or go to the bathroom or if it was something else entirely.

When I heard it again I knew that James needed me right now. I carefully worked myself out of Steve's arms, climbing out of bed and grabbing Steve's discarded t-shirt from the chair. I quickly pulled it on to cover my nakedness, taking the tranquilizer gun I kept in my dresser as I passed it.

I opened my bedroom door silently, not sure what I was going to find. James was shifting restlessly in his sleep, and I lowered the tranq gun as I approached. He was speaking tonelessly in Russian, and as I listened, I heard him repeating orders to take out a target, over and over. I had never heard him speak him so coldly to anyone before.

James thrashed violently on the couch, and he started to argue with whomever he was talking to in his dream, sounding less detached as grunts of remembered pain punctuated his argument. I'd heard enough, so I knelt down beside him, leaving myself room to move because I knew he'd wake up armed and I had to be prepared to dodge. I couldn't guarantee that he'd remember me in time before he pulled the trigger.

"James, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

His eyes snapped open and he sat up rigidly, staring at me with a gun pointed at my head. "<Target status?>" He demanded in Russian, his voice still toneless and coldly detached.

I thought fast, knowing that if he thought I was the target, he'd come after me and I wasn't strong enough to stop him. "<Eliminated,> I snapped back, acting like his superior. "<Mission complete, soldier. Stand down.>"

"<Good.>" He lowered the gun, relaxing. I sat back on my heels, as he closed his eyes, not sure what to make of this development. In the time he'd been with me, I'd never seen him do this before, but he had always slept with me in my bed, not out here on the couch alone.

I was going to have to talk to Steve and Natasha about this in the morning, because I wasn't sure what James was capable of when he was dreaming. It could be as simple as talking in his sleep or as complicated as killing us while sleepwalking.

It was entirely possible that James' target was Steve, especially given that Steve had been working on eradicating Hydra in this time from the moment he had rejoined Shield in this time. I watched him for a little longer, but he seemed to be sleeping normally again, so I figured I could go back to bed now. I was still exhausted, now that the adrenaline rush had ended.

I was almost to the door when I heard him murmuring in Russian and the couch protested when he started moving restlessly again. I slowly walked back over to him. This time, I reached out to wake him, not wanting to hear more of his painful memories as the Winter Soldier. I didn't know how he'd survived living like that for as long as he had, but he didn't need to anymore.

"Peggy?" he murmured, opening his eyes and pulling me to him in one swift motion. He settled me on top of him, kissing me soundly. I felt him growing hard between us and I broke the kiss, putting a little distance between our faces.

"Sarah, James. I'm Sarah. Are you all right? It sounded like you were having a bad dream."

"Did I hurt you?" He ran his hands over me, seeking an injury. He sat us up, his eyes sweeping over me in alarm.

"No. You were speaking to someone in your sleep in Russian."

He huffed out a deep breath. "What did I say?"

"You asked about a target's status. Do you remember who your target was in your dream?"

He shook his head. "No, just that it was a man. He was a threat to Hydra and I was supposed to neutralize him."

"Can you recall anything specific about your target? Size, physical features?" I held my breath, afraid that he was going to say Steve - either by name or alias.

He thought for a long moment before finally nodding. "He is very strong, a challenge even to me. My size or larger; I don't know who he is, though."

That didn't make me any easier - he was still describing Steve. "Would you know him if you saw him?"

James shook his head in denial. "No...I don't know...I can't remember."

I dropped the subject; James was becoming agitated. "I told you that your target was eliminated and your mission was complete in Russian. It seemed like it made you relax."

"That's probably for the best - good thing you speak Russian." He sighed. "I just wish I could remember!"

He and Nat had told me to always use a tone of command if James lapsed - he was trained to respond to that. We'd never tested it before, but that seemed to be the truth. I patted his chest and started to move off him, only to have his arms tighten around me in protest

"I'm going back to bed, James. I'll see you in the morning - after dawn." I reached up to stroke his face when he didn't release me. "I'm not leaving you; I'm just going to back to bed, okay? You have to let me go."

"I don't want to." He covered my hand with his own. "You can sleep on me."

He kissed me on my closed lips and I knew I couldn't let this go on. I shouldn't encourage him or let him keep kissing me - not anymore. "James, you can't be kissing me anymore."

He gave me a crooked grin. "I kinda remember you telling me something along those lines, doll, but I didn't agree to that." He tried to kiss me again and I pulled back from him, sighing and shaking my head.

"James, let go of me now." I put some steel in my voice and his arms loosened. I climbed off him, standing up. He stood up as well, looking me over with a strange expression that I couldn't place. "What?"

"Doll, what are you wearing?" he asked flatly.

I looked down to see what was wrong with the t-shirt I had grabbed on my way out of the room. Everything major was covered; Steve was so much larger than me that his regular t-shirts fit me like a loose dress. This one came down to almost mid-thigh, the v-neck constantly sliding off one of my shoulders. "Steve's shirt. I grabbed the first thing I saw when I heard noises out here. Why?"

"You sleep with him?" His eyes met mine, hurt radiating from him. I sighed, wishing it didn't have to be like this but knowing we were going to have this same conversation several more times before he would even somewhat remember it. On some things, his memory had improved, but when it came to Steve, I guess it hadn't yet. 

"Yes," I said slowly, crossing my arms in front of me. "I do, but you knew that already. He's my boyfriend, James – and your best friend. I love him, so why wouldn't I sleep with him?"

"Because I love you," he said quietly, his eyes burning intently into mine.

I put a hand on his cybernetic arm, touching him lightly. "We'll talk about this later, James." I watched his expression closely as I spoke again. "When you can tell the difference between Sarah and Peggy."

His eyes widened, and I knew he'd slipped back into thinking I was Peggy. It was a low blow, but it still had to be said. I took my hand from him and turned away, walking back to my room.

"Sarah – " he said quietly, as I reached the door.

I stared steadily back at him, refusing to let him see my reluctance to leave him out here alone. I had drawn a line in the sand, and I couldn't - wouldn't - erase it. I also knew crossing it would change things, and I needed to think about the consequences with a clear mind, which I certainly didn't have right now.

"Good night, James," I said, walking through the door and shutting it behind me.

I leaned against it for a long moment, closing my eyes as I heard him cursing in Russian through the thin door. I sank to the floor, tears rolling down my face, the ache in my chest almost unbearable, even though I knew I deserved to feel this pain.