Hello Sergeant (Bucky Barnes)

Space and time

Steve's POV

He shook his head quickly. "It wasn't like that. She tripped and I grabbed her to keep her from bashing her head in, so she gave me a kiss," he emphasized the order of the pronouns, "I didn't kiss her first." He grabbed me, putting his arms around me tightly. I relaxed a little, knowing he was telling the truth. "You got nothing to worry about, Stevie. The only people I ever want to be with like that are you, Sarah and Natalia."

"I just needed to hear you say that, Buck. I love you."

"And I love you." He kissed me gently before letting me go. "I'm not ready to let the world know about us yet, Steve. I know how much attention you get when you go out and I've seen the pictures of you and Sarah in the tabloids. A gay Captain America isn't going to go over well, no matter what they say about it being all right to be gay now."

He turned us so I was under the water. He put some shampoo in his hand and reached up to scrub my hair for me, something I wasn't expecting from him. I thought about what he said and realized he was probably right. The general public wouldn't like finding out that I was gay or bi or whatever I was and there would be fallout that would affect both him and Sarah.

"I'm sorry I can't act like this in public, Bucky," I said, bringing a hand up to his face. "But the thing that worries me the most about being with you is if the paparazzi take photos of you, Hydra could find you – and that's something I won't ever risk."

I kissed him gently and then stepped back under the water to rinse the soap from my hair while he thought about that. It wasn't something to take lightly given how badly they wanted him back. I shut off the water and handed him a towel, taking one for myself. We'd just walked into the bedroom to get dressed when Bucky finally spoke again, his expression worrisomely enigmatic. I couldn't read him as well as I used to be able to; he'd learned to bury his emotions a long time ago so he wouldn't get punished by his handler.

"It's not me I'm worried about them finding, Stevie – it's her. They're going to want Sarah even more if they find out I've been with her." His face suddenly went white and he grabbed my biceps hard, startling me with the force of his grip. "Hydra used to...fuck! I don't know how else to say it..."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, Buck."

"You need to know this. I just remembered that Hydra used to try to get me to breed whenever they had me out of cryo, after I finished my missions."

"You're serious," I said, staring at him in shock.

"Every time I was successful, my handler would say that they had a reward for me and then he'd bring in beautiful dames – usually blondes, sometimes redheads, but always beautiful – and tell me to fuck 'em as much as I wanted."

I swallowed hard, a sick feeling in the pit my stomach. "Did you?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head. "Not that I remember, at least. I think I resisted for some reason." He grimaced. "They thought I wasn't able to get it up because of the long amount of time I spent in cryo, but I think it was because none of them were Peggy, so I wasn't interested."

I pulled him into a tight hug, feeling the tremors running through him. "I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner, Buck. I'm sorry they put you through all that."

"You wouldn't have been able to find me, Steve." His arms went around me, squeezing hard. "I spent most of my time in Siberia in cryo and there's no way you could've known I'd survive that fall." He buried his head in my neck, taking a moment to get control again. "Jace showed me how far I fell based off the coordinates we zip-lined from. They say you did everything you could to try and find me, so stop blaming yourself for any of this because I don't blame you."