When Love Hurts

Chapter 22- Trust

It was a week ago since I had received the shocking news from Vince. We went out for some dinners, movies, even just a walk in the park. Bruce just avoided me all together. We hardly talked anymore. During breakfast, rides, or even at home, he was quiet. Other than polite responses he never strikes up conversation. Me either. I don’t know what to think, it was like a huge ocean between us.

“So how is that V “A-hole” doing?”  I rolled my eyes when I heard Dan’s first words after picking up the phone.

“He’s fine. Remember the promise? Don’t worry, I get richer by that.” I chuckled while Dan laughed.

“So had you decided yet?” Silence. Actually even after a week, I still hadn’t decided. Maybe I had the answer all along.

“Ashley?”

“Um yeah? Sorry..i guess I’m still pondering about it.” Dan snorted when I replied.

“You sure? If it doesn’t feel right just forget about it. A promise doesn’t matter when it concerns your heart. I can give you ten years and you are still “pondering”. Ashley, stop deluding yourself. If that is what you wanted, you would had let him in your heart already by now. I bet he didn’t even get the chance to kiss you right?” Dan was so right about that.

“Yeah..” I clenched my fist around the phone hard. That’s right. Vince had tried to be the gentlemen, he never moved further than holding my hand. He said he could wait. And so I let him. After some more minutes with Dan, I hanged up the phone and flopped back to my bed. I just let my mind blanked. Like it had over the week. It wasn’t that I didn’t tried to think about Vince seriously. I did, but everytime Bruce will popped back into my mind. Every memory I thought about Vince, Bruce will turned up better. Every pain I remembered about Vince, Bruce will turned up more painful. Ironically, I rather had Bruce’s pain. Why? Because I’m stupid that’s why. I was bickering with my mind until I fall asleep without knowing it.

Bruce POV

What can I do? No..this is awful. If only someone can take a knife and dug my heart out. Looking down at the piece of crumpled paper, my hand shook slightly. I had read and reread this paper until the paper is so crumpled, people would have thought it was trash. Since the day Vince appeared in my office and slammed the paper on my desk with a smug expression, I knew he had the upper hand. Hell, even if it wasn’t him, I’m still bound to lose. I folded the paper again and slid it into my drawer. I took out my sketch book and started drawing again. I knew what I would draw..only her. I did some outlines before it became clearer. It was her face, her back to me, talking to someone. Since the day she arrived I had started drawing again. I stopped drawing three years ago when I knew she wasn’t coming back. It was too painful. I remembered whenever I was alone in my dorm, drawing her, I cried. I closed the book after finishing the shading, putting it back into the drawer. I laid on my bed after switching off the lights. Since last week, that day where I still held her in arms, we just didn’t talked anymore. Pam had talked to me, I didn’t know if I get it wrong, but she hinted me to follow my heart. I just did that. I stopped hurting her. Without my presence, her world seemed happier. I knew of her dates with Vince, she would dress up. Out of a week she had been with him for four days. I was angry at first until Vince walked into my office three days ago and showed me that paper. If I did the same as him would Ashley considered mine? I curled up on my side and closed my eyes. Before drifting off into sleep, her voice rang in my ears.

‘I don't love you anymore, Bruce. We are a mistake, i hope you can find your happiness.’

And I never forgot those words. Even five years later. And I cried.

“Bruce, tell me you remember you agreed to the lunch this noon with Bernard.” I groaned inwardly when Bob strode into my office.

“Yes Bob, I remembered. I still had fifteen minutes.” I checked my watch and stood up, putting my coat on.