Army Strong

28)Can't save them all

I got up by myself and walked back to the boys. I was a bit dizzy because of the explosion but everything was fine. When Taylor saw me, the effort he made not to hug me and kiss me was noticeable in his eyes. We weren't together, we were just staying. That was the deal. I won't go anywhere if he stays. We weren't a couple. We couldn't be... One of us would immediately get kicked out of the team, sent away to a whole new base. It would be the same as starting it all over again. Nobody ever said soldiers have an easy life and whoever did was never a soldier.

We got back to the base. I went to my bedroom right away. I was playing strong around the boys but my body was only human. As I removed the uniform, the bruises started showing up. Big purple bruises, nothing new. I felt like I was run over by a train. I went to take a shower but instead, I just let the water run down my body.

Even the cold water was hot in that hell. I couldn't wait to go back home... I never really appreciated everything I had back there. Simple things we take by guaranteed like water, food, safety, a nice night of sleep, silence, our moms' beautiful smile every morning... Hell, I was missing her like crazy! And I couldn't hold it anymore.

The elder ones told us to never call home unless we were really dying to... They said any bad news could drive us into doing stupid things. They said we could end up killing our own team when we were just trying to hurt ourselves. They said they had felt it in their skins and we believed it. We swore as a team we would never call them or read any letter. It had been 3 months. Most of the people we had back home had stopped trying anyway, probably thinking we were dead. It was cruel to them but it was a protection to us.

I put my uniform back on and headed to the public phones area. As always it was filled with people. I left right away and went for a walk. I even missed dinner and all. What are you supposed to tell someone you haven't talked to in 3 months? What do you say when that person is your own mother?

I ended up arriving back to the base when it was around 3am. Most guys were already sleeping., which meant the phones were nearly empty. It should be around 8pm on my home town, which meant my mom was probably having dinner. I took a deep breath, grabbed the phone and just called. As it was calling, I leaned against the wall and let myself slide down, ending up sitting on the floor. The phone rang and rang. For a few seconds I was scared she wouldn't pick up but she did.

-Yes?-She said. I smiled and just stood there in silence.-Hello?-I didn't even know how much I loved her voiced until I heard it again.-Who's this?-I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. When I was about to speak, the call ended. I looked up to see what the hell had happened and realized Clark had clicked the little thing where you put the phone in the end of the call. I looked at him like I was gonna kill him. Then, I threw the phone against the wall and got up.

-What the fuck is wrong with you?!-I screamed, pushing him back aggressively. The soldiers there started looking at us.

-You fucking promised!-He pushed me back as well.

-Fuck you, Clark! Just fuck you!

-Yeah, fuck you too, lying bitch!

-Don't confuse me with you slut mom!-I screamed, showing him my middle finger. He didn't think twice.

It all went down pretty fast. One moment we were arguing, the next his fist was in my face and the next we were on the floor at each others throat. The guys around set us apart right away. We were all exhausted. That's all. That fight between me and Clark didn't make any sense. He was one of my best friends goddamn!

Being that long away from home was heart breaking. I never thought it would be that hard! And to make it even worse, we were constantly on alert. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for 3 months. We were all just sick of it. Our time there was coming to an end but those last days there lasted like months.