Hamilton one-shots {Requests open!}

My Dearest, (Lams)

{[ WARNING: Sad content ahead!]}

Alexander's POV:

I held a letter in my hands, shaking. This couldn't possibly be. It couldn't. My eyes began to scan over the letter I received from South Carolina.

My Dearest Alexander,

I cannot explain through words what has been going through my mind as of lately. You say that your marriage has been going well, and that is good, but Alexander. What has become of us?

I know I would be shot down if anyone were to find out what is going through my mind. What's going through my mind, is you.

Your oily black hair that you always keep pulled back. Your deep brown eyes that light up when you talk about something you are deeply passionate about. Your lips, I can't help to fall in love with them as well.

Alexander, after you read this, you don't ever have to ever contact me again. If you want, I'll remove myself from the army to get out of your life completely, if that is what you wish.

But, I have to tell you how I feel. Ever since my eyes met yours, all those years ago, I can't help but to feel my heart speed up. I firmly believe that I,  John Laurens, had fallen in love with you Alexander.

I've had dreams of us sneaking away. Like how we used too... Did you love me then? Probably not. How could you have? I'm a male and as are you. Plus, you're married.

Even if I can't have you, I still love you. I can't stop loving you. You're all that I want to love. You're everything to me Alexander. I just wish it was likewise...

I'm sorry Alexander...I'm a terrible human being..

-Your Dearest,

John Laurens.

I hadn't realized that tears had begun to roll down my cheeks and down onto my chest. I was shaking at this point. Absolutely stunned when I read this letter. I never knew that he had fallen for me. Now, it was to late. I could never reply to him. He died, not even knowing that I did fell likewise.  I just never knew. If I had, I most likely wouldn't be married to Eliza.

I looked up at the one who brought me this letter. My wife, Eliza. "Where did you get this?" I asked her, not knowing if I should continue or to be angry that this letter hadn't gotten to me before it was too late.

"It was found in his pocket when they searched him after they received his corpse.." Eliza replied, it obviously pained her to see me in such depress, but I didn't care at the moment.

I let a small whimper escape my lips. "Leave me be fore now Eliza. I wish to grieve alone." I said as I shooed her away. She did as told. I put the letter down and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry John.." Was all I could say when another round of tears came on the brink of falling.

I stood and walked to the window in my office opening my eyes. The sun was just beginning and I felt scared. "Y-you can't be gone John! I-i don't believe it! I never got to explain to show you how I felt.." Tears were quickly falling down my cheeks now and my body began to shake. I stayed in the position until darkness completely filled my office.

"I never got to tell you how I felt.." I felt as I closed my eyes feeling grief overtaking all of my other senses. "I'm so sorry John.."

{[ I'm sorry for not updating!  I've been so busy this summer. Also I had hit a writer's block,  but here's this. I'm sorry if it isn't any good, I tried.]}