The boy next door (Calum Hood fic)

Chapter 24

Confused. Worrisome. Paranoid. Unreassuring. Everything I felt daily put into words. But nothing could explain how I felt towards Calum. The avoidance he caused made me uneasy. On the other hand, Michael was still here for me. I could see him trying to figure something out in me, but I was hard to figure out. I couldn't even figure myself out. Calum struggled to make communication with me. We do live next door, but the both of us couldn't bring ourselves up into actually exchanging words face to face. It was what needed to be done, but we were just so in denial of the fact that we needed to do something. This can't go on forever, and it will certainly come back one day to bite me in the ass. I think that's why I have trouble analyzing the occurred events in my head, because I really didn't want to think about it. I'm more of a forgive and forget type of person. I certainly wanted to forget it. I certainly do.

The end of the year senior trip was coming up, and I wasn't as cheerful as I would've been for it then it the beginning of the year. Psyched, was what I was not. I was thinking about honestly just not going. But, I knew Rose wanted to go. And ever since I introduced her to Ashton he wouldn't get out of her mind. Of course, I am happy for her. She deserves his attention, and love more than anyone else. As she stayed quiet like me throughout the years, and was never an outcast into getting boys to fall for her. She has a stunning personality that's underrated. Ashton, seems to just fit that. He's one of the most caring people to her, and it sometimes aches my heart looking at them together. She was reserved, but he brought out the best in her. He made her shine. Like Calum would to me. I want something like that. But it seems, that everything turns out unexpectedly. Everything is soon coming to a close. Which meant, yes this was really a one time thing. Not wanting for her to be with someone that she couldn't lean on the whole time, I said yes. It couldn't hurt. College applications are coming as well. And as I pray every night I get into the college I've dreamed of. I'd could only hope everything would go right.

The school day came, and Mr. S announced the trip.

"Hello, as all of you may know, we have a end of the year trip we do every year. Now for this trip, we will be going to a campsite. There, you will all 'take a break' from the regular school days, to focus more on your future without the stress. Now, we will have four cabins for girls, and four cabins with boys. Now on the permission slip, you will have the option to choose someone you would like to be bunk mates with. I encourage you all to go. Many said it was a growing and unforgettable experience." I still wasn't quite convinced on embarking to this trip. I think I could possibly manage one week with these people. I mean it couldn't be that hard, right?

Lunch came around, and I sat with Rose and Ashton in front of me. They exchanged smiles, that personally made me want to smile as I enjoyed seeing other people happy. Especially when they found it in each other.

"So, are you ladies going on the trip?" Ashton said very happily, knowing what Rose would respond, as he always did. The two have become very close, and fond of each other.

"What trip?" Luke's voice chirped out from the side of me, plopping the empty space on the cold bench. He turned to me and gave me a smile.

"The end of the year one, duh." Michael said sitting on the other side of me, also smiling at me. The two boys managed to cause some fluttering in my stomach as they smiled.

"So are you?" Ashton said impatiently waiting for an answer.

"Well I am sure that I want to go, but Sarah what about you?" Rose said then everyone's eyes looking at me, waiting for my answer.

"Um, well...." I said hesitantly as my mind wandered off somewhere else. "Most likely I will."

"Most likely?" Luke asked semi rudely. "Come on Sarah you have to go," Luke looked at me as if saying no wasn't an option.

"I guess I could."

"You guess?" Luke said quickly after I gave my nervous response. "Aren't you eager to, explore beyond the walls from school, and actually take a moment to think in peace and silence in nature." What kind of talk was Luke giving. He seemed as if he really wanted me to go. I didn't really want to expand my horizons, as I felt perfectly at home with my music, and internet. But again, it wasn't nice living next door to someone whom I had to watch my every move, even when I was inside of my own house, I could sometimes think that if he would observe me from afar, as he seemed to be doing lately. But, I did it too. As in this situation, things were hard to forgive, and forget. I think the forgiving part, was mostly on myself. He didn't do anything wrong. It was me. It was all on me. My in situated brain thought every thing I did was right. Which is, and was completely wrong. I find myself having a hard time forgiving myself, for mistakes that I knew, I knew had the chance to hurt someone so deeply, like I have experienced before. I didn't like to bring others pain. And in the past songs I've heard Calum write, it seemed like he was too overwhelmed by steaming, piping emotions that he had to write it down.

These thoughts came so quickly to my head, I didn't notice my eyes were starting to water as I looked in the dead of space.

"Look who finally came," Ashton said as Calum showed up, quietly sitting on my right side, beside Luke. He tried keeping as much distance as possible between Luke and I. My face fell to my hands, my heart breaking inside knowing I was probably the cause of him being mute.

"You alright Sarah...?" Luke said noticing how my features fell, and how the tears wouldn't stop stinging my eyes. When Luke said that, it just made the tears brim my eyes even more, as I saw pairs of eyes observing the question Luke had asked, and how I seemed to be feeling. I looked behind Luke, noticing Calum feeling a close enough way as I did. We looked at each other dead in the eye, and for every second longer we just stared into each other's contrasting eyes, the inside my me just seemed to get saddened. The both of us noticed hurt in our eyes, but I quickly glanced down at my hands, pooled now with sweat, then trying to cover my face, without looking like I was actually trying to hide away my real feelings.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I faked a small smile, that would hopefully pass as real, and as a sign that I was fine, and didn't need him to look at me any longer.

"So, what about you Calum?" Michael broke the sudden anticipation of what would happen to me next, therefore saving me from anymore embarrassment and worries of breaking down in front of everybody, letting them know the truth behind the salty tears that pooled my green eyes, making them look brighter.

Calum looked up, trying to fake, and ignore the fact that he had in fact heard Michaels question. "What?"

"The end of the year trip, planning on going?" The two stared at each other as if they were already communicating with their glares.

"Um, I'm not sure. Possibly." His answer in a way relieved me.

"Huh, Sarah basically just said the same thing." Ashton pointed out. Me and Calum's eyes both fixating on one another again.

"Well, I think I'll go then." I sighed, and slumped down on the bench. Great, now I had a problem with going. This sure was going to be unforgettable.