Lance Pov
"Take it seriously, Lance!"
"Now isn't the time, Lance!"
"Do it right, Lance!"
"Stop messing around!"
"Will you actually pay attention?"
"Will you think, just once?"
"Act like a paladin, Lance!"
"Your a paladin right? Well, act like it!"
"Paladins don't do that, Lance"
"Remember Lance, your a paladin."
"We're Paladins, we have duties, Lance."
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
I can hear my own thoughts, zooming around my head, disorientating me. Leave me alone...alone...alone... Everyone thought I was bright, happy, idiotic Lance, never one to think. No, they don't know me.
They don't know I cry every night, thinking about my family. How they don't know I'm not dead, how I'm still alive...how I'm trying to get home...home... They don't know how I TRY SO GODDAMN HARD to make myself USEFUL. How I try to make better plans, how I try so hard to understand them, how I train for so many hours when everyone's asleep, or how I try to help when they can't even help themselves. I don't mind, helping them reminds me of home, oh so far away. They don't know how many walls I've built around myself because I'm scared of showing the real me behind them. But, every time I catch up to them, they jump ahead. And I feel like I'm never going to catch up, because every time I reach out for help, I feel like they turn the other way...
But that's ok...
I don't mind being left behind...
I can help them first and myself later...
I don't need anybody's help...
...My name is Lance McClain...and I don't need anybody's help.
Even when it hurts to know that I'm replaceable.
It hurts to know that anyone can beat me in being a paladin.
It hurts to know that I can't even understand.
It hurts to fake the smiles, the happiness, and the joy.
It hurts to hide the real me.
It hurts to hide the pain, the tears, the emptiness.
...My name is Lance McClain...and I don't need anybody's help...
...No...I'm wrong...
...My name is Lance McClain, paladin of the Blue Lion, Defender of the Universe, the Seventh Wheel, and...please help me...
...Don't let me fall...
...Don't let me crash...
...Don't let me sink to far...
...Don't let me close my eyes...
...Don't let me drown...
...please...Don't let me LIVE anymore...
YOU ARE READING
Everything is Gray (Langst)
Fanfiction"Take it seriously, Lance!" "Now isn't the time, Lance!" "Do it right, Lance!" "Stop messing around!" "Will you actually pay attention?" "Will you think, just once?" "Act like a paladin, Lance!" "Your a paladin right? Well, act like it!" "Paladins d...
