Counting Sheep

Eleven Sheep

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to be heard.

Listen to me, please.

Have I told you why my voice is not heard? There are many reasons why, but the first one was a problem no one else knew, until now.

I had problems as a kid. Not like, social problems or anything, just something I was never comfortable with.

And I wish every other kid knew that.

Maybe that's why I fall under the "nerd/freak show" category. Because I had one little problem as a kid. As a five or nine year old. And everyone never dropped the subject of what I did.

And no one understood why.

How do you report bullying when all it is, is people telling you you do not exist, or we hate you because of this flaw you have? And then they deny the fact you bully them, and the person you reported to believes them?

I guess I'm happy it was never physical. They were afraid to touch me because of this "flaw."

And if I touched them in anyway they would start yelling and screaming for help.

It was fun to watch, but I knew better.

I know how people bully me.

And no one else understands how that is bullying.

How do I know that?

As that five year old kid, I reported it a few times. I was the kid who wasn't afraid of being a snitch.

But those words the adult told me instantly turned the tables to my personality.

"Grow up."

"Shut up."

"Stop lying and making things up."

"Do you just want attention?"

But this is a real problem. They don't understand, or they don't care.

I didn't know who would believe me now. I didn't know who was there for me.

Later on in life, my friends were forced to leave me behind and make their new ones.

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And I would be left behind.

With the people who would bully me.

And no one to talk to.

Another sheep that refuses to leave my life. Didn't I already talk about this one?