beyond the monotonous city

fourty six

She finished her essay that night.

Maybe she wasn't for me, maybe she came into my life at the right time, at the right second just to show me there's life worth living. And if that's all I'll ever understand from how the world works, I'm contented.

Like everything, her life came to an end but I knew enough ends to know that they don't just stop there. Sure, when my boyfriend died I felt like it was the end of me and the life and knew but little did I know that it was a new beginning for me to get a second chance at life. Things end sometimes so you know where to begin and with this, it's the beginning of my journey of self-discovery.

When before I tried to follow patterns, to get back on track, I will make this end an opportunity to completely turn over a new leaf. And that's what I'm doing, trying to do, and still learning to do. I'm stumbling here and there but I learned from all those times how to stand up on my own and somehow emerge stronger than before.

No, life doesn't get easier. I've had enough tragedy in my life to verify that. But you do learn and you get thicker skin to face each challenge.

And that night I thought was the end of me, by taking that one small step, Camila was right. I unknowingly embarked on a journey to get better and find myself in the process. I'm still on the journey but if I learned one thing, it's to never turn back and keep going.

Lauren felt the light of her laptop burn her eyes in the dark but she was proud. She finished the essay and she was proud. Proud of what she wrote, and proud of what she endured and experienced to get to those conclusions. She knew Camila would be proud.

She printed copies of it and inserted them in the various college application folders. She was able to sleep well.

--

The last few weeks of their school had rolled by.

Lauren worked her hardest, pouring every ounce of energy to give her last shot at giving her best. She spent it making the most of her time with her friends. Going on mall trips with Dinah, more gigs with Shawn and sometimes Ashlee, or just eating at the diner where they always ate. Lauren admitted to herself that she would miss that feeling, and they would be the memories she would cherish.

"Thanks guys, for being my friends even when I wasn't looking for new friends. I just wanted to get this year through and over with as easy as possible yet somehow you all made it more bearable." Lauren said in thanks as they were in the diner.

"Aww." Dinah hugged Lauren and Shawn patted her hand. "We loved having you Lo. Wouldn't want anyone over you. "

"I actually enjoyed hanging out with you guys, even if I just sat with you at first for Shawn." Ariana admitted. "You guys are the kind of friends you'd look back on happily when remembering high school. Thanks for letting me in." Shawn put an arm around her and kissed her forehead, which made Dinah make a gagging face.

"I mean I don't even go to school with y'all but it's nice Shawn brings me to hang with you guys." Ashlee commented. Dinah put an arm around her and hugged her, laughing.

"I think we have Camila to thank. She brought all of us here together." Shawn started, "I wouldn't have been friends with Dinah if Camila wasn't best friends with her first."

"To Camila, gone but not really gone and never forgotten." Dinah said smiling, raising her milkshake glass. Lauren smiled, she knew Camila would love that.

They all gave her a toast and one for their friendship as well.

When the time came that they had to leave, Lauren found herself waiting near Shawn's car with Ariana. Dinah and Shawn were at the restrooms.