Sember (Forestfolk, Book 2)

Chapter 18c

We spent some time walking in silence. This time, I kept my thinking to a minimum. I ignored my frustration with Jastin and simply examined my surroundings. We passed sparse, snow-covered trees and occasional white-dusted boulders. The large mountains loomed to our left, and I found myself turning my head often to gaze at them. There were no mountains in Foresthome, nor in the plains. They were so big, I sometimes felt like they might topple over and crush me.

"I don't think people are afraid of me," Jastin said out of the blue. "But I do feel isolated sometimes."

I peered at him, brows raised at his sudden confession.

"And you're right," he continued. "I've never met anyone like you before. Like us."

I could see the effort on his face. He was trying to connect with me. It seemed no matter how hard I tried to shut people out lately, I just couldn't keep my walls up. Maybe I was too lonely, desperate to have someone truly understand me.

"Now you know why people are afraid of me," I said.

He was quiet for a while, then said, "People don't like touching me."

"Really?" I asked, surprised at his admission. "Have you ever lost control?"

"No." He adjusted the straps on his shoulders. "But when your own parents don't like hugging you, you start wondering what's wrong with you."

I could identify with this completely. When even my own parents seemed uncomfortable around me, the self-doubt started early. "I know what you mean," I murmured.

"Mila was the only one who made me feel normal," he said.

"Your sister?"

"Yes. Losing her was devastating."

The sadness in his voice made my heart ache for him. "I'm sorry," I said, wishing I knew what else to say.

"In some ways, you remind me of her."

"Let me guess, it's my hair," I joked.

He chuckled. "I like your hair." He glanced up at it, and I unconsciously smoothed it down with one hand. "Mila was headstrong, and had her own ideas about what was right and wrong. She didn't care about other people's opinions."

I sighed with disappointment at his incorrect assessment of me. "I care too much about other people's opinions," I said before I could stop myself.

He looked at me with that knowing half-smile. "How many people thought you coming here was a good idea?"

"Um . . . "

"And yet, here you are. Because you thought it was the right thing to do."

I stayed quiet, mulling over his words, unsure if he was right or not.

"You care what people think of you. I do, too. Everyone does. But in the end, you make decisions based on what feels right to you. Not to anyone else. Mila was brave like that." His eyes grew wistful as he spoke. "When we were kids, she would go out of her way to hold my hand in public, to show people that she was proud to have me as a brother. I know sometimes it chilled her, but she always tried to hide her shivering. She wanted to protect me, much like how you protect Goben."

"She sounds wonderful," I said, sad that she was gone from his life.

He sighed, and I took his hand without thinking. We stopped walking. I squeezed his hand, pressing my sympathy into it. My own hand stayed steady and warm, and I hoped that he understood my message. That I didn't mind his touch.

"Thank you, for what you did," I said, holding his gaze. "And for talking to me. I feel . . . a little less alone now."

He took a half step closer to me, and my breath quickened a little. He brushed his thumb across my palm. "I think Mila would have liked you."

An unexpected shiver went up my spine, causing me to drop his hand. I noticed the hurt in his eyes, and immediately regretted my reaction. He must think . . .

"Jastin, no." I recaptured his hand. "I wasn't cold."

He dropped his eyes. He didn't believe me.

"Jastin, I shivered, yes. But . . . it wasn't from cold."

His hopeful eyes darted back to mine, but he didn't look convinced.

"I was reacting to . . . " Too embarrassed for words, I mimicked his earlier action, stroking his palm with my own thumb to demonstrate.

Fire and ice.

He inhaled at the sensation, his eyes sparking with understanding . . . and something else.

"I-I've said too much." I dropped his hand again and cleared my throat, trying to quell the fluttering in my stomach. I took a step back.

"Sember . . . " His voice was thick with emotion, but I couldn't meet his gaze.

He took a step closer and—I don't know why—I panicked a little. I took another step back, and stumbled on a fallen branch.

His hands shot out to steady me, and I could feel his icy grip through my sleeves. I wanted to reach out and touch him. To close this gap between us and—

Wait, what was I thinking? I had to watch myself, or this wouldn't end well.

I made the mistake of looking into his beckoning blue eyes, and I nearly drowned in them.

I tore my gaze away and cleared my throat. "Um, we probably shouldn't waste too much time."

He paused, letting a breath of disappointment escape. "Of course."

A mask descended over his features as we started walking again, and I felt relieved enough to resume breathing. What was happening? How could I be frightened and excited at the same time? This was nothing like what happened with Dozan. I knew that Dozan had used his gift to remove barriers and put heady thoughts into my head. In the heat of the moment, it felt so effortless. Easier. I hadn't been worried or self-conscious. I hadn't been thinking at all.

I shook my head vigorously. What was I doing? What was wrong with me that I now thought being with Dozan wasn't so bad? I hadn't been in control, and I hated that . . . didn't I? What was I saying? Of course I hated it. Losing control was bad. People got hurt when I lost control. I mean, look at what happened to Dozan afterward!

I took a steadying breath and got a hold of myself. Right. Maintain control. I could do that.

I stole a glance at Jastin as we walked. Such a handsome profile.

Ugh, I wanted to slap myself. I had all the control of a corn cake soaking in stew.

Focus on the mission. That was the only thing that mattered. Everything else was distraction.

With a lift of my chin, I silently firmed my resolve and kept on walking.

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