I live for her

Chapter 14: Hesitations And Picked Calls

Emily 🌹

I pulled out my phone from my pocket - 5 missed calls. Two were from mum and three were from Leroy. Mum sent a text, "Was at Leroy's house just now - I'll be back in 30 minutes, I need to visit someone nearby. Take care of yourself Emmiepooh". I hesitated... to call Leroy. My thumb hovered above his name, then above the call icon like a helicopter above a tragic accident scene unwilling to swoop down and save the victims. I wanted the helicopter to land... but do you believe thumbs have a mind of their own? I don't know, but I ended up closing the call log.

Mrs Knight turns her head towards me and stares at me with pensive eyes. The charismatic and self-assured old lady clears her throat. I look at her, then she smiles exposing teeth that I only notice now. They are coated in the same yellow the autumn leaves in her backyard - I start to imagine a younger and more beautiful version of herself intimidating men with eyes confident in their femininity and fingers elegantly holding a white roll of nicotine and tobacco. I want to ask her if she used to smoke but if she says no, then the question would morph into a jab at her weathered and experienced self-esteem... maybe I could just bring up the topic and she'd just spit out sentences that prove she was once a smoker. As I start to sort through the countless statemtents I could make to open up a convo on smoking, her crusty and overworked lips distance themselves so that I see her tongue."You should call him."

I feel a tingle in my skin located under my phone's territory in my pocket. I pull it out - It was nothing. But I see the missed calls lay dejected on the notification bar. I look at her like a child ridden with hesitation and fear - expectant of words of encouragement from their parent. And she gave me just that. "You know what to do, young missy."

The helicopter landed, it swooped down and I started walking towards Leroy's house as my ears were drowned with the sound of a call not yet answered. I stood at his door; he picked the call.

Leroy ♞

She called back just as my shoes beckoned the two doors to doors to annul their union.

"Babe, I'm sorry" she fired the apology like it had been hanging around her larynx too much - like a line of phlegm. I walked out of the hospital.

"I couldn't visit my mum." I could smell the guilt lurking amongst my words - there was so much pathos... I hate to be this weak.

"Why not? Where are you?" She sounded softer.

"I... don't even know Emily, I just couldn't open the door. I'm still at the hospital."

"Explain, Leroy - you can't open doors now?"

"No, I... didn't want to see her, Em"

"She's your own mum, Lee"

"Yes, but..." I wanted to speak, but something happens when you start to cry - you feel it... I felt it: The truth gripping my heart tightly. I started to understand why and letting Emily know only made it hurt more. I stopped walking and looked at the bike.

"But what?"

"Emily, I just don't think I can do it."

"There's something you're not telling me."

"She is going to die." I clenched my teeth, clenched my left hand and stared at the bike. "Emily, my own mother is going into an operation tomorrow, the chances it will be successful is zero, tomorrow is when she dies and you want me to visit her today and pretend like I do not know all of that?"

She remained quiet for a while. "It's fine if you don't have the answer."

"Leroy, why do you want your mum to die?" Her voice was so low and rich in concern and empathy and sympathy - I cannot describe it... but it felt like she cared and just wanted to help me. Care is so difficult to accustom to.

I thought about it. I thought about how much I loved my mum. I thought about the nights she held me tight when I couldn't do anything but be afraid. I thought about the sports games she brought me to. How she'd sit there and be my loudest and only supporter. Her voice was so scratchy and high-pitched and a huge annoyance to the surrounding ears, but she never stopped. She never stopped... because she never gave up on me. The question made a resurface, "Why do you want your mum to die?". The crying stopped. "I just want her to be fine, Em, but we both know she won't." (I felt the won't exit my mouth like a poisonous dart I was shooting straight into my own mother's future. I didn't regret letting the dart out. I was sure of my mum's fate.).

"Don't underestimate the power of optimism."

"So you're saying she'll be fine as long as I believe and act like she will be?" I made sure she heard my skepticism.

"Yes, kinda..." She was faltering... But she'd already converted me, she didn't need more Internet quotes.

"Can you come and open the door for me then? That was kind of the deal, you know?"

"She laughed, you're... so weird. Umm... My mum's not here yet, but give me 20 minutes?"

"Okay, thanks babe"

"For what? "

"Making me realize... that I don't want her to die."

"Mhm, okay"

"Don't get conceited now... Anyways, what you been up to?"

And she talked about her adventures with Mrs Knight until her mum honked and she whispered a hasty, "Gotta go, will see you now, muah".

A/N: Thanks guys for your patience, so sorry I'm so sloppy with keeping this book updated on time. Don't be shy to tell me what you think of this chapter. I feel like this was too predictable.

So, is it me or does it feel like things are looking good for Leroy and we're nearing the end of this book?

And guys, this book is near 1k reads, I'm seriously ecstatic about that because not long ago I wanted to give up on it. So thanks - a ton.

🚉 Choo-Choo, I smell hope.. Do you too? This place has faint aroma of hope 😉

On to the next station 🚉