The Rising Truth

Two Roads Meet

This is to @princessyamamoto for encouraging me to publish this. This is my first so I'm sorry if it's terrible.

Grand Prix Final 2015

-Shoma-

I did it. My first Senior Grand Prix Final and I managed to place 3rd. Up there on the podium, next to Javier Fernandez and Yuzuru Hanyu. It felt absolutely amazing.   The embarrassment I felt when I accidentally linked arms with Yuzuru could not overcome the weird feeling I felt in my stomach.

"Congratulation Shoma" Yuzuru said after we had stepped off the rink.

"Yeah, congratulations. " Javier joined in.

"Oh. Th-Thank you." I'm terrible with people in general. On the ice, I'm confident and poised. Off the ice, I'm awkward and stiff.

After the award ceremony and press conferences had ended, a bus arrives to drive everyone back to their hotel. It's late and I'm tired and exhausted and I just want to go back to the hotel and sleep. I take a seat next to the window and lean my head against the cool glass. I felt a shift, signaling that someone had taken the seat next to me. I turn just to look and was met with that same feeling in my stomach I felt on the podium. The person next to me was Japan's pride, Yuzuru Hanyu.

He turned and smiled and I felt like my stomach was doing jumping jacks. Yuzuru held that aura that drew you in but also made it clear that he was far above you. I always felt nervous being near him. Am I worthy to even be in his presence?

I snapped out of my trance when Yuzuru was waving his hand in front of my face. "Shoma.Hey, Shoma."

"Oh. Excuse me. Sorry."

"No need to say sorry. What were you thinking about?"

"I-It's nothing." I lean back in the chair and stare out the window. My heart was pounding like a drum and the feeling in my stomach became more convoluted.

What was this feeling? It's painful.

-Yuzuru-

Shoma turned away from me and didn't talk to me the entire bus ride. Ugh. Why is it so hard for him to open up? Ever since I first met him at Junior Nationals, he's always been shy. I've been doing my best to talk to him, but whenever I do, his walls are always up. He's captivating. The shyness he shows when off the ice and the persona exuding confidence that shows on the ice, it draws me in. 

He talks to me sometimes. However, the conversation mostly consists of weird noises, "yes", "no", "ok", "sorry", and on the rare occasions sentences with 10-words max. I've tried so hard to get him to lower his walls, and while I've made progress, I've have not gotten far.

I like him. I like him a lot. The feeling whenever I see him is strange. I feel a sort of giddiness when he's in the room. I always throw glances whenever he is in sight. The very sight of him gives me butterflies. I think it's love but I not sure. How can I love someone who I know so little about? How can I love someone who barely considers me a friend?