The Rising Truth

Defeat

This was a hard update to write, but I got through it. I'm sorry if the emotional aspect of the story isn't the best. I've been going through some emotionally damaging stuff and it's been causing problems. Thank you to all who have been so supportive to me.

Thank you for reading and voting/ commenting

Shoma pov.

Would it have been better had I not loved Yuzuru?

Had I not been so careless and stupid as to pursue a romantic relationship without thinking of the consequences, this might've not happened at all. Neither of us would have to choose between of love and our passion.

It's been a week already and I haven't received a single text from Yuzuru. I've received congratulations from all my friends and rink mates, but nothing from Yuzuru. Are you breaking up? We haven't talked in a week and it seems like he doesn't want to.

I release a frustrated groan and pull the blanket over my head. Curling into a ball, I scroll through twitter for any news of Yuzuru, but nothing. Suddenly I feel something cold touch my feet and I jump and throw the covers off. Snowball, Marianne's dog, had strolled into my room and hopped onto the bed and laid its head next to me. Itsuki had begged to have him over for the weekend. I run my hand through the soft, white fur and my worries of Yuzuru lessen.

The dog rolled closer to me and begin to rub its belly. "You want to go for a walk? Let's go for a walk."

It barked and jumped off the bed, running around in circles, waiting for me to get off the bed. Running downstairs, I grab the leash off the counter and attach it to Snowball. With my phone and wallet in my pocket, I head out. We take a stroll around a nearby park before I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I pull it out to see a text message notification. 

I can't do this anymore. I love you. I still love you, but I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you Shoma.

My body feels like ice is running through my bloodstream. My brain's emergency functions take over and direct me to a bench. Slumping into it, I shakingly type "Why?"

We were careless and stupid. We rushed into a relationship. We ignored the consequences. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this mess. I love you but I don't believe that we were meant to be together, at least not romantically. I still care for you as a friend though.

I didn't cry. I wasn't about to sob loudly in public. Snowball looked up with the same concerned look that dogs have and I bent over and hug him, hoping maybe that it would give me the strength to walk back home so I could sob loudly in my room

-------------

I was able to walk back home and I locked myself in my room. I spent an hour crying into a pillow. 

I couldn't take it. I just couldn't. I loved him so much. I still love him. I don't want to love him. I want that love to die and rot inside of me. Yes, I was careless and stupid. I was stupid to rush into a relationship, nonetheless, with the great Yuzuru Hanyu. I was stupid to think that something like this could last. It's stupid to think that anything having to do with Yuzuru could last. Friendships with him don't last. Any relationship with him lasts.

I wonder whose stupider. Me thinking I could love Yuzuru and thinking that it could last or Yuzuru trying play hero. Yes, I remember back then would he would try to be selfless. When he would try to put people ahead of himself. I'm not a child. He doesn't need to make these decisions for me.

I feel like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. Like I'm venturing into a darkness that I know will consume me but it feels comfortable. I want to feel comfortable. I want to sleep for an eternity.

I stare at my hand and see that beautiful gold band I had received for Christmas. A symbol of our eternal love. A symbol of the painful past. The sight of it made me sick. Sliding it off, I threw it across the room, either in anger or frustration or both, I did not know. It bounced against the wall and settled noisily onto my desk. Even now, our love makes itself known. It won't leave, no matter how hard I try.

----------------

Yuzuru pov.

I lie on the bed and hug a pillow. It was the same pillow Shoma slept on when he was here. It still smelled of lavender. I want to hold him. I want to pull him close and bury my face into the crook of his neck. I feel like my heart is dying. Like the sky is crashing and my mind went blank.

Shoma isn't mine anymore. I can't hold him or love him. I can't be with him anymore. I don't want to give up on my skating career and cause my family problems. I don't want Shoma to quit either and have his family situation grow worse. I just wanted to be with him, but that isn't meant to be.

Is this what defeat feels like? I haven't felt this truly defeated in a long time. This was something that was out of my control. I can't gain control in this sick game.

I'm sorry Shoma. I'm sorry that I'm so helpless. I promised that I would protect you and here I am, breaking my promises. I hope that you hate me. I don't want you to, but I don't think that I could bear it if you were kind to me. So please, hate me. I already hate me. I hate myself for my weakness. For my hopelessness. For being unable to make Shoma happy

I cradled the ring in my hand. It was the symbol of my love for him. I still love him. I will never stop loving him. Pulling the ring close to my heart, I start crying. Why does it hurt so much? Why does loving hurt so much?

------------

"Did Yuzuru and Shoma break up?" said an unknown voice

"Yeah, I saw their text messages," said another

"That's a shame. I wanted to at least see Shoma put up a fight. "

"It wasn't Shoma's decision. It was Yuzuru." said the second 

"Oh course it is. That little brat can't do a single thing properly, can he? Always bothering other people, and now he's bothering Yuzuru. It's a good thing that Yuzuru's mature enough to cut the bad people out of his life."

"So now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Shoma and Yuzuru broke up. We're done right."

"No, we're not even close to being done. I want Shoma gone. I want him six feet underground. I want to see him suffer and cry out. I want him punished for ever thinking that he's good enough for Yuzuru. I'm going to destroy him."

Yes, Shoma and Yuzuru have broken up. The crazy stalker now has a part. I'm so happy that I've hit this part since writing will be a lot easier now. The chapter for Worlds Championship is next and I'm so excited. 

Thank you for reading and commenting/voting :)