The Tri-Author Tournament {Closed}

Feedback: Task 1

Harley Jackson

This was a good entry! It definitely showed more of Harley's character, which I enjoyed. The playful voice really came through, and I liked the different perspectives when she spoke in her head. The humor balanced out the entry and made it fun. I also thought that the way the room worked was very clever, since the only thing you had to add was the note. On the other hand, I did think the word choice and phrasing throughout seemed a little awkward, and that it could have flowed more easily. Some words were repeated very close together as well. There weren't very many syntax errors, but I did notice that there you switched tenses a couple times in the middle of sentences. There were also a few phrases with grammatical errors, such where you said "in check" and it should have been "to check" or when you wrote "has went" and it should have been "has gone". Overall, I enjoyed this entry!

9 + 1 (1st entry turned in) =
10
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Rayner Joseph

This was a fantastic entry! I really loved the balance of witty, fun banter and deeper dialogue that showed more about the characters. This entry gave me a more in depth view, not only of Rayner, but of his view on other characters as well and how he interacts with them. The word choice was beautiful and drew me in rather than distancing me. I also really like liked how the memories kept interest. The ideas behind the room and the heart were very creative, and I liked the way it played with the reader's emotions as well as the characters'. There were also very few syntax errors, so good job there. The only real negatives I found was that sometimes the descriptions got a bit confusing and I had to read back through to figure it out again. Once in a while it got a bit dramatic, but I thought you balanced it out well. Great job!

11
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Olivier Renaude

This was a great entry! I thought that he descriptions were absolutely beautiful, as well as very clear and engaging. It pulled me in and made me want to read more! I also liked the concept of the room, and how you were able to make it fun with the marshmallow! I liked the inclusion of the memory, although there wasn't much emotion involved in the entry over all. It was also very short. You also used the term "soccer", but in France, it would be called "football". However those were the only real faults I could find! Great job!

10.5
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