Cynical Romantics (Completed)

Chapter Six

"Hey Karen" I greet as I walk into the house.

"Hey. Next time you go over to Calum's you should tell me!" she says as she motions for me to come to the dining room where she was seated with her laptop.

"I'm used to leaving without anyone noticing" I state, looking at the table and playing with the place mat to avoid looking at her.

"We haven't really talked yet have we" she says with a sigh. I reply with a shrug, what should I even say in a situation like this? "So I've heard you've been to five foster homes in the last three years. Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

"I heard you closed down your foster house. If that's true why did I get sent here?" I ask, ignoring her question with one that has bothered me for a while now. Karen sighs again after taking a sip of her tea and looks at me with a sad expression.

"There's only so many foster houses to send you to without having you move very far distances. It's not normal to have someone get kicked out of a foster home, let alone four" she explains.

"Then what happens when I get kicked out of here?"I ask, almost afraid of what the answer would be, but by now why would it matter? If I get sent someplace far it's not like the new people won't be as mean and I won't be happier.

"You're not going to be kicked out of here. We didn't adopt you because we haven't met you yet, but that's what we're looking at" she informs me, making my jaw drop.

"You'd adopt me?" I ask to clarify.

"Yes, but when I received the email about you it told me to take you in and treat you like a foster child since this did used to be a foster home. I have to do what they told me to, so I can't adopt you till they contact me again" she further explains. I nod in response. "So can you at least tell me what happened in those other foster homes? As I said, it's very usual to get kicked out of one" she repeats.

"It's not something I like to talk about" I say, gaining back my tough facade that I somehow didn't have at Calum's.

"Well then how about you tell me about yourself" she recommends. I sigh at the dreaded question. She doesn't care, no one does. Why do they even bother asking when what I say will go in through one ear and out the other?

"I play guitar, piano, and clarinet. I like to go by Alex, not Alexandra. That's about it" I tell her. Whenever I say it out load, I'm reminded of how boring I actually am. I really sound like a catch now, don't I?

"That's nice. Can I hear you play something?" she asks.

"Maybe later. I'm really tired from school" I lie. I actually just don't want her to hear me. Everyone thinks music is just a little hobby for me, but it's not, it's a passion. I want to move people with my music. I want someone to come up to me and say that they didn't give up because of me. I need to be an inspiration and help others like me. Others who feel alone, others who need a friend but instead turn to music to get them through though times.

"Okay. So you met Calum, do you like him?" she asks.

"I don't know. We don't really get along" I lie again, but this time not just to her, but to myself as well.

"Well you should hang out with him more, he's a great boy" she adds.

"That's nice. I'm just gonna head up and shower and shit" I tell her as I sit up from the table.

"Oh and Alex dear" she adds as I leave, making me turn my head back towards her, "Welcome to the family."

***

I lay in bed thinking about Calum, how could I let myself go back there and be friends with him. I can't do that again, I'm a bitch and that's all I'll be till I'm out of this whole cycle. Giving up on sleep, I take my guitar from the side and start playing the song I heard Calum's band play earlier 'Wherever You Are'. Ever since I've started playing guitar, I've been able to pick up chord progressions really well by ear, which mean that figuring out the chords to the songs was easy. I leave my window open as I sit on my bed and start playing and singing.

For a while we pretended like we never had to end it but we knew we'd have to say goodbye. When I first got put into the foster home program three years ago, I pretended like it wasn't real. Like it was all a dream, but deep inside I knew this was my new reality and that's what hurt the most.

I could barely hold it all inside. I used to cry every night. I told my friends at my first foster home about my story and how I got there, but they didn't care. My friends were nice to me, but they never really cared what happened to me. I was just someone they met along the way.

Torn in two and I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking about you. I felt empty, broken, and lifeless, but no one knew. I got in some trouble at my first foster home then I got shipped to another. At that foster home I realized the only way to get respect is to act like I deserved it. I became the bitch I am today. I stayed away from people and made sure not to get close to anyone. They will leave just like everyone else. But now there's Calum. I hate the feeling I get when I'm around him, but whenever I'm away from him I want to go back. He's like a bad, addictive drug. If I get close to him I know I'll be heartbroken when I loose him.

After I finish the song I hear clapping coming from my window. I turn my head and see Calum sitting on his roof by the window that was right across from mine. Can this get anymore cliché?

"That's your room?" I ask, ignoring his clapping.

"No, my sisters. She'd kill me if she finds me here, but I heard a guitar so I followed the sound" he explains. Good, so I don't have to worry about him perving in my room.

"Oh" I let out as I put my guitar back to the side.

"You're a really good singer. And how'd you remember those chords!" he asks, amazed at what he saw.

"Thanks and I'm not sure, it's something I picked up when I was little" I explain, getting interrupted from a women screaming from his end.

"That's my mom, better see what she needs, so I guess I see you around" he says before climbing inside from the window. I wave goodbye and close the curtains. I can't be nice to this kid anymore. He keeps catching me at the wrong times, making me forget how I should act.

***

I wake up in the morning wishing I hadn't, just like every morning. But at least it's Sunday. I look at my phone and see a text from an unknown number.

'Hey Alex it's Michael. I was wondering if you'd like to go to see the town today with me? Oh and I got your number from Calum'

I don't even know how Calum got my number, probably from Karen in hopes that he'll talk to me and we'll become friends or something.

'Yea that'd be fun' I text back.

'Cool I'll pick you up in an hour' he texts back after a few minutes.

I quickly take a shower, look through my clothes and decide to wear my All Time Low 'Fuck' shirt with white shorts. I honestly don't give a fuck about how my hair looks as long as it's died so I just let it air dry. I rush downstairs and make sure to grab something to eat so I don't starve when I'm with Michael.

I'm not really sure why, but when it comes to Calum I get really scared, like I'll give into his niceness and become close to him. With Michael I don't get that feeling. He's hot, there's no doubt, but I know I won't get attached to him, when he leaves me I'm certain I won't be heartbroken. With Calum I can somehow see a future. I can see us hanging out at each others houses and eating as we watch TV, I can see us playing our instruments and singing together, but worst of all I can see him caring for me and that's what scares me the most.