Cynical Romantics (Completed)

Chapter Thirteen

I wake up a little later in the night from my spot on the couch and quietly walk over to the kitchen to get something to drink. Before I reach there, I walk past the sleeping Calum. He looks so sweet and innocent, but then again everyone looks like that when they're sleeping.

It's weird how he has done so much for me without even knowing it. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be friends with anyone and would probably be crying in my room at this very moment. I kneel down and plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you" I whisper, knowing that he's fast asleep and won't hear me. I walk to the fridge and get a glass of milk. I hoist myself up on the counter and sit in the semi darkness, thinking about how so much has changed ever since I moved here.

"What are you doing up so late?" Calum asks as he walks in the room.

"When did you wake up?" I ask back, worried that he heard what I said.

"I heard the fridge open and noise coming from in here so I decided to check it out" he explains, relieving me from my worries. "I know it's late, but I believe the best conversations are the ones after midnight and before the sun rises. Can you be honest with me for one minute?" he asks, hoisting himself on the counter right next to me.

"About what?" I ask before making any promises.

"You said that whole thing about the Fault in our Stars and said that you let you diagnosis define you. What did you mean?" he asks.

"It's not really something I talk about" I tell him, using my classic excuse to get out of it.

"Don't tell me that. I know you're not close to anyone and I want to be there for you, but I can't if I don't know what's going on" he says, as if he really cares.

"You only say that 'cause you want to get in my pants" I state, why else would he like me? He takes my hand and makes sure to look into my eyes in the dim lightning.

"We both know that's not true. I'm not even sure why, but you mean a lot to me Alex Dyar" he genuinely says.

"I don't know what to tell you" I say blankly, trying to understand what he just said.

"Well for starters, what diagnosis?" he asks.

"Anxiety and depression" I finally say out loud for the first time in two years.

"When did it all start?" he asks again.

"Three years ago when I left my father. My mother died the year before and we both took it really hard. I started to get depressed and he started to take relief in alcohol. I went to a therapist and she's the one who made me leave my father and go into the foster program and trust me, being moved from foster house to foster house for the last three years is not pleasant at all" I let out. Calum nods and puts his arm around me. I rest my head on his shoulder as my arms snake around his waist like they did earlier that night. He strokes my hair to comfort me as we sit in comfortable silence.

"I want to hear more, but I know you wouldn't want the guys walking in so do you want to head to my room?" he asks, as if he read my mind. I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm not crying is because I'm afraid Michael or Ashton will walk in and never look at me the same. If anyone saw me alone in my room, they'd probably think I cry easily, but the only reason I do is because I've held these tears in for so long.

Calum takes my hand and slowly ushers me upstairs as I let my first tear drip down my cheek. Ever since my first and last therapist, I've never told anyone else about how my mother died and how my dad's an alcoholic. I did, however, tell my first two foster parents about my depression and I even requested a therapist to help me through, but that never came, making me just give up trying to get better. Now all I do is hide.

"How many foster homes have you been in?" he asks as we lay down on his bed. I bring my hands to my chest as Calum's arms make their way around me.

"Five in the last three years" I tell him.

"What happened to make you leave?" he asks again. I look up at him and see him intently staring at me.

"Why do you care so much? We barely know each other." he sighs as he presses his lips together for a second.

"Remember the day I asked you to come over and help me with the song?" he asks. I nod, telling him to continue.

"Well before, I was really pissed at you. I couldn't understand what made you hate me so much and it was killing me. Mali wanted me to get something from her room. But when I got there, I happened to look out the window the same time you slammed your room door. You started crying as soon as you took your first step in. I obviously don't know why, but then you got out your guitar and started playing therapy by All Time Low while crying. And like, I couldn't stand to see you like that, so I called and asked if you wanted to come over and used the first excuse that came to my head. I quickly wrote that chorus about you and then you came and helped me with the rest" he explains.

"So you like me cause you think I'm broken" I summarize, still trying to process his words. What's weird is that I didn't move or leave. Whenever I need to think about something or get offended by what someone said, I storm out of the room, something I did often with Calum. But I stay where I am and actually allow my cold feet to make contact with Calum's warm ones. He's taken aback by the coldness at first, but soon comes back to his previous position with a smile.

"I don't like you because you're broken. I like you because you're strong. At first I thought you were a bitch, but after seeing you behind closed doors, I realized that there's so much more about you. You're a very complicated person, and I love learning new things about you everyday" he confesses, somehow managing to keep eye contact with me the entire time.

"What about you? Any secrets, traumatic past?" I ask.

"Nah. My life's always been rather ordinary for the most part, but once I met the boys and started the band things started to get exciting and fun. People keep telling us that our dreams are useless and that we'll never get anywhere, but we all still have hope and I know we'll keep trying" he replies. I let out an awkward giggle and lie there thinking about everything that has just occurred.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"Everything" I say in a whisper.

"You can trust me Alex" he states. I nod and let out a sigh. How do I even verbalize what I'm thinking?

"I'm scared Calum" I finally say without thinking.

"Of what?" he asks, pulling my body closer to his so that my head rests on his chest and the distance basically disappears.

"I'm getting too close to you. I'm going to leave and I can't deal with getting over another group of friends who don't give a shit about what happens to me" I tell him, remembering the painful events that happened at my first two foster homes.

"I think it's great that you're finally getting close to someone. Karen has never given up on a kid, and I can see how much she loves you after such a short amount of time. You're going to stay for a very, very long time. I can't speak for the whole group, but I care about what's going on with you. I care if you're unhappy and I'll do anything to change that" he reassures me.

"Thanks for being here for me Calum. I've never really had someone I could trust since my mom died" I explain.

"I'll always be here for you Alex" he says as he leans in and places a kiss on my lips. I can feel my whole body relax and melt from the touch of his lips. I wrap my arms around his waist in response, causing us both to smile in the kiss.

"We should go to sleep now" I tell him, to avoid having the kiss go further. I don't want this special moment for me to be ruined by my terrible making out skills.

I rest my head on his chest once again and slowly drift to sleep feeling his stomach move up and down from his breathing.

"I'm still not sure why, but I think I'm falling for you Alex Dyar."