Cynical Romantics (Completed)

Chapter Twenty-Six

During the whole ride home I thought about Calum, which is why I run up to his door as soon as the car stops. After therapy, Karen doesn't really question what I'm doing and just goes into the house.

Calum opens the door, most likely knowing it was going to be me from the smile that's on his face.

"Hey babe how was it?" he asks as he leans in for a kiss which I dodge, but I allow myself to hug him.

"We need to talk" I tell him, he runs his hand through his hair and sighs as he leads me over to the sofa. He sits down and holds his arms open for me, but instead I sit to his side so I don't have to have contact with him in any way.

"What's up?" he asks, getting a bit scared of what I'm going to do, although now it seems pretty obvious.

"This relationship is unhealthy for me. We both knew that, yet we still continued to do this. I haven't had any stable relationships for the last three years and what I need to keep me at ease is a stable relationship. I love you, I really do, but we can't just 'casually make out' or say I love you to each other like this" I inform him. He looks down at the ground and doesn't catch my gaze.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about that. All I knew is that I love you and I want you to be happy" he says, finally looking back at me, but now with tears brimming his eyes.

"Maybe one day when we're ready to have a committed relationship, we could be together. I can't ask that of you right now, but I still need you here as my best friend" I tell him, wiping the tear that rolled down his cheek. I guess he never realised why I would need a stable relationship until now and that he might be the reason I'm not fully recovering and having these nightmares. But even I'm not fully sure about that statement yet.

"I love you Alex and I want you to be happy, so I'll just be your best friend" he says, not even trying to ask me to be his girlfriend or anything which hurt like hell. I thought that he'd at least try and be in a relationship. I thought that he'd try to keep me. I mean he says he loves me right? Maybe I'm wrong about him. Maybe I was right all along, love doesn't exist.

"I should go" I say before I try to get up, only to be pulled back down by Calum's strong arms.

"You can't just leave like that, you're still my best friend. At least watch a movie and cuddle with me, you know Luke does it" he says with a wink, justifying his statement. I shake my head and giggle as I lay down on his chest and watch as he picks a movie from on demand to watch.

"Thanks for everything, Cal. I lo-" I stop, I was about to say I love you again. By now it just seems instinctive, but I can't, at least not yet. "You're a great best friend" I correct myself.

"So are you. I honestly don't know how I'd live without you beside me 80% of the time anymore" he says into my hair, refusing to let his loving grip release me.

"Do you want to go dress shopping?" I ask him, suddenly remembering that the end of the year dance is next week.

"I'd love to, but I think Janea would ditch me on the spot if I show up in a dress" he jokes, lightening the tension in the room as I'm still in his arms.

"For me you dumbass! I'm pretty sure Mikey's expecting a dress" I explain before he releases a sigh.

"Do you really like Michael?" he asks as if he didn't know.

"I think I do" I say with a smile, finally admitting my true feelings.

"But you guys dated and then broke up for me" he states, clearly not happy with my new feelings toward his best friend.

"Well when I was 'dating' Michael it didn't really feel right because we were still new to each other, but we're friends now and he's really great" I tell Cal, trying to find the right words to explain it.