BLIND DATE. ❪ PJM + JJK ❫

twenty-five

4.8k words, i did warn yall smh

[ + ]

something felt wrong.

something? noㅡjeongguk raked a hand through his hair and exhaled a shaky breathㅡeverything. everything felt wrong. 

he brought his hand down to his lap and frowned, turning it over and flexing his fingers. why were they twitching now? he'd done everything, giving them no reason to generate that anxious spasm; so what had he missed?

he lent back in his seat and sighed knowingly. there was a part of him that did know the answerㅡthe same small insignificant part that refused to speak up.

telling her the truth.

but he'd come too far to do anything about that nowㅡnot only had he withheld the truth, but he'd lied. it was far too late to even consider owning up to it all.

so why did everything feel so wrong?

it shouldn't. jeongguk had come to accept what he was prepared to do ages ago, had never needed to stop to reconsider. 

was that what was happening now? was he reconsidering? jeongguk never reconsideredㅡwas that what was feeling off?

or was it something to do with his plan? yes, that had to be it. he was a bit surprised to find himself relieved by the prospect of all this mental turmoil stemming from a flaw in the execution of his plan, the very same plan which could determine whether or not his date with jimin would pass or fail, but he'd rather it was that then something to do withㅡ

"don't even think it," jeongguk hissed to himself, clenching a fist unconsciously on his thigh. "don't evenㅡ"

his feelings.

jeongguk hated feelingsㅡthe fucking things interfered at all the wrong times, which was why he counted himself the luckiest man alive to never have to deal with them at all those wrong times. his mind never let him, he knewㅡshut them up and away, would only let them out when the coast was clear and they couldn't meddle.

so why were they running torrent in his head at that very moment?

these were the very times jeongguk depended on his mind to keep him sane. it wouldn't conjure up overly positive scenarios to falsely encourage him, or play through dozens of ways everything could go to shit. it would simply stay completely, satisfyingly, blank. 

and most importantly; it would never, never, never let his thoughts stray remotely near anything that didn't concern his current goal. his thoughtsㅡand his feelings.

so what the hell was happening?

but if there was one thing jeongguk was still grateful for, it was that he couldn't place what he was feeling. couldn't place where it was originating from, who or what it was for. despite his mind's utter failure to keep his thoughts from going wild, he was still a little thankful that it wasn't permitting him to find out that piece of information which he was sure would only confuse him further.

maybe it's not your feelings, he reassured himself. maybe it's the plan after all. maybeㅡmaybe you fucked up. maybe hoseok's telling namjoon something he shouldn't this very moment, and namjoon's connecting the dots, and heㅡyes, that's it, guk. that'sㅡ